by Volecia Plafcan

Created on: July 15, 2008

First of all, be sure you are not wearing dentures or a retainer or anything that might slip and get lodged in your partner's larynx. Or, if you are, be sure they are in good and tight. I always super glue my dentures in before I go on a date just in case my date ends up kissing me.

The kiss, if I am so lucky, is always wonderful but, when I get home, I have quite a bit of trouble taking my dentures out without pulling out a piece of my gums. Now, that hurts and I ask myself was it worth it? Yes, it was.

I will tell you a story that almost wrecked my life.

Jim Bob Harry "Toe Jam" Abercrombie and I were lifetime neighbors. Of course, his last name should give you the hint that he was from a well established family in our small town. They were also considered rich because they had a horse and buggy.

As we grew older, "Toe Jam"'s daddy passed away, leaving Toe in charge of his mass estate. As Toe had no knowledge of how to run a ranch, he was at our house almost every day, seeking my father's guidance and borrowing a few cigarettes 'til he could get to town to get some'. Of course, that day never came because Toe had already been cited six times because his horse liked to 'scratch off' on the paved streets in town and Toe was afraid to be seen there.

Anyway, as time passed by, Toe would ask me to accompany him to social events, i.e., church socials, barn dances and hayrides. He was such a sweet guy and I fell for him completely.

One day the dentist told me that I would have to have extensive dental work which would involve extracting all but one of my teeth. I told him to go ahead and take that one out, too. He did. I told him I'd rather not have dentures at that time - that I could eat soft foods. He didn't like the idea but, I did go home toothless.

Toe came over in a couple of weeks and asked me to sit on the veranda swing with him. He was staring at my toothless mouth the whole time. As soon as we sat down, he grabbed me and started kissing me. Between kisses, he was going "Ahhhhhhhhh! Ahhhhhhh!" I thought how weird. "Baby, I love you! Marry me tomorrow!" I said 'yes'.

We were married and over six months, I lost fifty pounds and Toe lost sixty because we were only eating the soft foods. He encouraged me to get dentures so we could have steak and corn on the cob. I did.

I went around with my teeth clacking for a couple of weeks because I was allergic to the denture cream that was to hold my teeth in securely. Some nights, we would use my dentures as castanets at the

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