by Kat Stovall

Created on: January 04, 2007   Last Updated: October 04, 2009

When my four year old daughter asked to participate in a pageant at our local fair. I had huge trepidations. I have never believed that beauty pageant of any sort were a healthy activity for children, young women, or adult women. The horror of it almost made me say, "No, absolutely not. Never!" I being barely 22 at the time could remember the frustration I felt towards my own parents when I was not allowed to participate in certain activities do to their personal feelings. So of course I filled out the registration, paid our money, and set some heavy ground rules. I could not stand in the way of my daughters life experiences but I could however stop the insanity short in its tracks when it came to the style in which my daughter was presented.

We borrowed a teal blue flower girl dress that my little sister had worn in a wedding. It was a very pretty handmade and modest design. The beautiful color made up for the lack of ruffles and sequence. My best friend who is a licensed beautician helped me style her hair. NO hairspray, hair extensions, or curling irons. We simply pulled what little natural curly blond hair she had into small little butterfly shaped clips. It was not painful for her at all. I refused to smother her face in makeup. She went on stage without an ounce of it. Though, other mothers there kept asking if I would like to borrow some. I just politely said no and ignored them for the most part.

My daughter bounced on the stage like a crazy kangaroo. There was no prancing, strutting, batting fake eyelashes, or other insane actions. She waved hi to Nana and Pop and smiled like she was Queen of the world. We did not rehearse possible answers to questions so when a judge asked her what she wanted to be when she grew up there was no grown up things to say. My little angel said with the biggest smile,"I want to be an artist like my mommy. She colors real good."

To my surprise she made it to the final five. No trophy for my natural little doll baby but a life lesson learned. She saw the way the other mothers were screaming at the girls to not smear their make up, to not touch hair pieces, to practice their walks, and to stop that whining. She saw little girls crying because things were to tight and shoes were pinching toes. All the time she and I were talking about what rides we were going to ride, and the ice cream we were going to eat, and we played games to pass the time.

She didn't cry when she didn't win and she didn't seem to care. She had fun and that was that. It was over and there were better things to do. Since then she has never asked to be in another pageant. Even when her grandmother asked her if she wanted to do it again she said no.

That's how it should be. Leave the decision up to your child. Be a mother not a pimp. Dress your child appropriately and with dignity. Let them have fun and let them see it for themselves.

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