Hello. My name is Graham, you may have seen me in town shopping or walked past me in the street. I'm the guy with the goofy red hair and green sports jacket. Perhaps you didn't remember me, but next time you see me be sure to say hello. You see, I created this entire universe, so I suppose you could call me God. Although Graham would be fine if you decide to say hello in the street.
Anyway, what i wanted to tell you all is how I created the universe. Not to brag about it or anything, but just to set the record straight. And to do that, I'm going to have to start at the beginning. I come from a short line of universe builders, my dad was one, and his dad was one, his dad too, and his dad was a florist who always wanted to be a universe builder but unfortunately he came from a long line of florists. It must have been hard for him, to break free like that. This I know because I never wanted to be a universe builder, I wanted to be an artist but my father wouldn't let me. He said that a long line of florists followed by a short line of universe builders followed by a single artist would be too much of an introduction. So I ended up going to universe-city to learn the trade. My trouble with universe building had always been that I was terrible at maths, which is an essential skill for figuring out how to create spacial dimensions and time let me tell you. Everyone else in my class was creating graceful universes out of light, with vast sweeping waves of colors and beautiful, majestic structures within them. Everything I created tended to come out as a roundish ball of brownish sludge. My father was certainly not pleased with my progress - something which he monitored closely. Of course, with him being my lecturer that was always going to be difficult to escape.
When it came to the day of the final exam, I knew that I had one last chance to destroy all hope my father had that I might be able to follow in his footsteps. The task set was to use a single unit of pure energy (energy which is completely pliable and will operate on every dimensional level) to create a single universe which unfolds in time. The way in which we do this is by creating a set of mathematical rules for the energy to follow, then when the rules are applied to the energy it creates it's own dimensional space and does it's thing. Most universes are pretty small, and every inch of them is pre-planned. The very best are like exquisite ice sculptures made out of light which gracefully dances in patterns with colors too glorious to imagine. Of course, this sort of thing takes a lot of time and practice to get right - one wrong number in the setup and everything goes crazy. I decided that I would create a universe based on a few simple mathematical patterns which divide and repeat themselves on a very small level. The idea was that with so much repetition at such a small scale the universe wouldn't be able to cope and would explode leaving me free to pursue my artistic dreams. And to make the universe extra volatile, I added in a degree of uncertainty into the equation to unbalance things even more. That way I would be guaranteed to have something of which even Jackson Pollock would be proud. On the day of reckoning, we all loaded our formulae into the universe machine and waited for the signal to drop in the pure energy. The rest of the class went first, and we were treated to an enormously dull display of what appeared to me to be slow motion origami. A couple of dimensions flopping out and some flashing lights. I waited for my turn, hit the switch when called and suddenly we were met with a such an explosion that it became known as 'The Big Bang'. It was what came after that caught me off guard.
It slowly dawned on me, after my initial smug satisfaction, that my universe didn't actually destroy itself. It kept going. The energy within it kept on dividing itself, smaller and smaller until the scale was no longer recognizable. Then things started taking on shape and form as the energy started spreading throughout the space created by the bang. It formed into different types of energy and substances according to how big a lump of energy was there. These new creations began forming themselves into spheres of pure fire and mass which began spewing out giant lumps of yet more new substances. Nothing like it had ever been seen before. My father was ecstatic. I got an A+, and lots of shouts of 'I knew you had it in you'. A week or so later (well, weeks don't really exist where I come from, neither does time for that matter, but you get my meaning) I started visiting parts of my creation to see what I had actually made. And this is when I first began to notice the voice, a whisper on the wind or sometimes a glint in a distant star, but there was certainly some kind of communication going on. And with that, my greatest fear and joy came true. I had created a live universe. Live universes need a lot of looking after. This is why our race had actually banned them a number of centuries ago (or my universe's equivalent of centuries), and the skill had been lost. Of course, the fact that I had built one meant the skill remained lost because I really didn't know much about what I was doing at the time. I still don't really.
After everyone found out that my universe was alive, they pretty much threw the book at me. There were a few 'pro-livers' who wanted the formula to make live universes and thus bring them back into the mainstream, but I had to admit at the time that I didn't know what I had done to make it this way. It was a fluke, and for that I was banished inside my universe. Not a bad fate really, I could think of worse places to be.
So that's it really. That's how the universe was made. I'm sorry it's not quite as dramatic or impressive as the 7-day creation story, although technically I should be way more impressive because from planning to execution my universe was done in about 6 hours. Last minute cramming really. Spending 7 days on it would have have been a waste really, and besides, I was young at the time so I had 7 days worth of fun instead. I will say this tho, before I go. The whole universe is alive - every part of it, so be nice to everything.