by Jered Slusher

Created on: July 13, 2008

The Jobs I've Accomplished
(In My Dreams)

Plucked George W. Bush's nose hairs,
Sprayed Lysol on Tina Turner's cell phone,
Fed Al Pacino a plate of fried mushrooms,

Shined Regis Philbin's shoes,
Washed the jersey of Lebron James,
Changed channels for Woody Allen,

Drove Denzel Washington around New York,
Scrubbed Tom Hanks dinner dishes,
Cleaned Diana Ross's swimming pool,

Walked Gary Coleman's golden retriever,
Steam-Cleaned Jay Leno's Persian rugs,
Planted Gallagher a patch of strawberries,

Sold Michael Jackson a pair of bunny slippers,
Wore a cowbell for Burt Reynolds,
Cut, colored, and styled Joan Rivers hair,

Laid over a large puddle for Verne Troyer,
Served Harrison Ford a well done steak,
Poured Oprah the finest champagne,

And where did it get me?

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