by Bruce Dickinson

Created on: July 11, 2008

Driving through Melbourne can be enough to test anyone's patience. It's a city that is lacking proper rail and tram services, with major roads in gridlock for much of the working day. Driving bumper to bumper to get across town is something that many Melburnians experience daily, so when the slightest situation occurs that can make the trip longer than necessary, you can expect that most motorists would get quite angry.

On every major corner you will find the squeegee man. Usually this is an arts student dropout who cares not for causing traffic jams but to charge two bucks to wipe your windscreen. They will confront you and pester you until you give in. Even if you say no they will offer to clean the screen for free only to dupe you into handing over some of your hard earned cash. It matters not to them how many cars are waiting behind you when the light turns green, and should you get a turn arrow you may not get through because the car in front of you is getting a windscreen wash. They hold up traffic everywhere for something that they really don't need to do. After all, doesn't every windscreen have windscreen wipers? So why would I pay someone else to do something I can do for free by turning a knob on my dashboard without leaving my car?

I have decided to vent my displeasure at the squeegee man's delaying tactics in the most visible way. Am I going to get violent? No, although I have felt like it many times. I have a better way.

Each morning before I leave home I fill a bucket with soap suds and carry my own squeegee. The bucket sits on the floor in the passenger side of the car until it is needed. As soon as I stop at an intersection manned by a squeegee man, I get out of my car with my bucket and clean my windscreen with my squeegee before he gets to my car. I find it funny but the squeegee man never does. I am often verbally abused for encroaching on their turf even though it is my car's windscreen I am cleaning. However, the applause and laughter from motorists nearby is enough incentive for me to keep going.

What would be really great is every motorist carried their own bucket, suds and squeegee in their car each morning. As soon as they came to an intersection infested by one of the squeegee men, every motorist would get out of their car each with their own bucket and suds to manually clean their own windscreen. Imagine the sight of 30 motorists each cleaning their own windscreen at once. Wouldn't that have the right effect on the squeegee men?

The entrance

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