by Hazel Webb

Created on: July 11, 2008

What I am about to say will more than likely offend some, piss off even more, and finally make some of you just down right furious. However, the answer is yes, single mothers raise bad sons. Now, let me explain, please. First, of all, you need to understand that, I too, am a member of the ever growing, single parent club. My membership was not something I longed for; in fact, I soon grew to hate it. Unfortunately, my membership was official and I had to make the best of it.

Regardless of what society thought about single parents, I was determined to be an exception and raise a good son. For the most part, I did just that. My son is a son to be proud of. He was a good baby, good toddler and a good boy. Not once did I ever receive a call from his school with behavior issues, he was never expelled nor had any issues with the law. For all of this, I am truly thankful. In addition, he never talked back or gave me a hard time about anything. Why, would he? I made life so easy for this child of mine.

Now, that was my goal in parenthood: make life as easy as possible for my son. Since, this was my philosophy; I put my plan of action in motion from day one. I showered him with kisses, hugged and talked to him constantly. And not one day went by without me saying, "I love you". I wanted him to be secure and be surrounded by my love.

I gave my son just about every material item that he requested. He wore all the designer "hook ups" and the ever so popular, Jordan, gym shoes with color coordinated throw back jerseys. Clothes were important to him, so I made sure that he had these. My one stipulation was that he never made fun of anyone who was not as fortunate as he. In spite of all these items being high price ticket items, I indulged him.

During this period, he came home with terrific report cards and so his name brand clothing items were in part, rewards for doing well in school. The other part was for me. It made me feel like a good parent to be able to provide these things for him.

In spite of my son being this terrific young man, I feel that I did him an injustice. Yes, I did provide him with all of the basics: food, shelter, clothes and plenty of love. However, I came up short in one area. I did not teach him how to be a man. How, could I, a woman teach a boy about being a man? I could not.

As black women, we raise our daughters and we spoil our sons. I too, am guilty of this. I did not have a daughter to raise, but I sure had a son to spoil. Deep down in my soul,

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