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As I lay here in the cold in the dark
My mind wanders and I see myself floating away
hovering above, watching him do these horrible things to me.
This is what i do to escape. I imagine that i am someone else.
I imagine that this is not happening to me.
Here is a man that is suppose to love me.
Here is a man that is suppose to protect me from harm.
He is suppose to be my daddy.
He is no father of mine.
One day is what i continue to whisper to myself daily.
One day this will all end and I can go about my life as if this
never happened to me.
I can pretend I had a fairytale childhood, and my horrible one
never happened. I imagined it.
I tell myself this for many years.
It works for a while.
Now that I am an adult it chooses to manifest itself.
I cant trust my husband around my daughter.
I'm leery of all men. I won't let anyone change my son or daughters diaper.
I tense up in sex. I have flashbacks of being hurt again.
It brings me back to all those nights, that same smell, that same blue gown.
Now I am so afraid. I understand that i need help.
But how can you call on help, when you never told anyone what happened to you?

Learn more about this author, Toshche Tubbs.
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