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I have no idea who Chris Brown is, but I guess he has some kind of following within "the community," just as everyone exactly like him seems to have. But this is one of the worst, most disjointed songs I've heard in a long time. I don't even think Brown is singing with the stupid keyboards. He and the keyboard player were never officially introduced. Or maybe one of his sons is playing them because the keyboards during the verse sound like a couple of kids playing with a Casio in a toy store. It's like a combination of "Strawberry Fields Forever" and a car bombing. Then the saxophone in the chorus sounds like an ivory poacher just shot an elephant. Or maybe a gang member shot Bob Seger's saxophonist.

And lyrically the song is no more or less predictable than any other pop song produced in the last 20 years. This is how the song begins:

Here we are all alone in this room
And girl I know where
To start and what we gonna do
I'll take my time we'll
Be all night girl
So get ready babe
I got plans for me and you

Really? All night, huh? Another R&B song in which a guy promises he'll go "all night." Sure you will, Chris. Sure you will. You'll take 90 seconds and watch Sportscenter just like each of your dancers did.

Then, when you get to the bridge, if anything in this song can be called a bridge, there's these loud drums that I suppose signifies the singer's extremely hard and loud sex-making technique, as he states, "It ain't my first time, baby girl. But we can pretend." He has a circus going through his bedroom, a clown on a bass drum with that tuskless elephant in tow, as he "pretends" he's a virgin.

You've heard this horrendous song a million times before, even if you've never heard this particular version of it . Name any of the pop/R&B bands of the 90s - Boyz II Men, the Backstreet Boys, uhThe Jackson 5. I'm not a fan. So I have no idea. But I do know that I have, in passing, heard plenty of songs like this - and I mean exactly like this - and I always wonder when we as a listening public will get past this type of song. How many more versions can we endure? I've heard this awful melody so many times I pictured Chef from South Park performing it while listening to this. Just picture Isaac Hayes moaning and saying, "It ain't my first time, baby girl. Now let's make some sweet love."

Who did "I'll Make Love To You?" Was it Boyz II Men? Because Chris Brown owes them money for this song, I think. I can't be sure because I refuse to listen to the Boyz song again, but can't II Men and every other alike singer sue Chris Brown for this garbage?

Learn more about this author, Michael Frissore.
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