by Cherylyne Saylor-Paul

Created on: July 09, 2008   Last Updated: October 31, 2008

Who would have ever thought that I would be doing what I am doing at this point of my life? Oh, that is right, how would you know what I talking about unless I tell you. Well, I am a caregiver to my ex-husband, who I divorced almost four years ago. Yes, I said ex-husband who 86 years of age, while I am 62. It is the most thankless thing I ever done in my life, leaving me feeling miserable and unhappy.

When I first took on this task, I had no idea as to what was going to be expected of me and at the time I thought I would have some help from family, but to my surprise I have found myself alone. Most of the time, I feel no better then a glorified servant, doing a job that never seems to end. There is laundry, house keeping, and meals to fix. In addition, there are doctor appointments, along with all of the financial responsibilities of paying the bills and making sure everything is being taken care in the best possible way.

Perhaps I would feel different if I had some sort of a life outside of my care giving, but I do not with exception of going to the grocery store every week or running errands. I have concluded that just like anyone I need a break periodically in order to get a new perspective on things and to reclaim myself as a person. Obviously, when one is not able to get a break then there is a type of frustration that overcomes one often leading to anger, loneliness, and sadness.

Do not get me wrong, I do not mean to take my feelings out on my ex-husband, but he still treats me as if I am his wife or should be. None to say the lease my feelings are not the same, which makes the task of taking care of him a lot more difficult. I know down deep that not all caregivers feel as I do and in fact, really do enjoy what they are doing. I must say those who are real caregivers are dedicated people and I do admire them for the work they do in an unselfish manner.

I have found that it is extremely important and necessary for caregivers to find outlets such as taking some personal time and having outside companionship in order to gain a new perspective on the world around you. This will give the caregiver a chance to return to their task of care giving with a renewed outlook by being able to go about their job with a refreshed attitude for the care receiver.

Lastly, make that the person you are being a caregiver for is someone whom you enjoy being around and can give your undivided attention to without feeling any resentment, because this will make the task that you have taken on more pleasant and rewarding. By all means care giving should be one that is fulfilling and joyful for all those who are involved on the process.

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