by Jeanne Sparks-Carreker

Created on: January 03, 2007   Last Updated: April 24, 2007

There is a type of pain a woman experiences when, after years of faithful marriage, she begins to witness changes in her husband that, when confronted, are then said to be the creation of the wife's imagination, a plot to hide her own actions, or the perception of a woman in need of psychiatric help. To describe the pain endured by victims of emotional abuse with written words is like trying to explain what a person experiences when facing the realization of certain, impending death. It seems quite impossible. There are rips, tears, stabs and agonizing pain within her heart. Sometimes she panics, believing she is losing her soul mate forever. Sometimes her husband may actually tell her that the suspicion, the digging around for answers, or the accusations involved in the panic are the actual things causing the couple to have distance in the first place.

If a man does this, he is using a manipulative, cruel technique known as Gaslighting. Emotional abusers who partake in the horrific methods of Gaslighting have an agenda of which society may presently be unaware.

The term "Gaslighting" was introduced to the public in an old movie entitled "The Gas Light" (1940) and its remake of the same title (1944). In these movies, a woman who receives a large inheritance is courted by and marries a man who has a secret agenda. He intends to drive her crazy in order to obtain the hefty estate she has. "Gaslighting" is so called due to the story unfolding with the husband routinely igniting the gas lamps in the loft of the house, which causes the other lamps in the house to dim. Upon question from the wife as to why the lamps were dimming, the good husband would tell her she was imagining things. In the movie, it is obvious the man knew he was driving his wife insane. Sometimes, however, this is not the case where intention is concerned. Some emotional abusers do not realize they are Gaslighting.

Whether he intentionally chooses to actually drive his wife crazy or not, the statements and lack of concern a husband displays over them even after they cause pain are forms of emotional abuse. They are normally used to cover up actions for which he does not want his spouse/girlfriend to discover. A husband or emotional abuser who is Gaslighting may have something like this to say:

*How could you believe I would ever have an affair with your best friend?!?
*You must be preoccupied with an affair, yourself!
*You're just being suspicious!
*When you accuse me of things that I pride myself

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