by Marie J Kelley

Created on: July 09, 2008   Last Updated: October 31, 2008

For as long as I can remember I've been told I was too skinny. There were rumors and whispers among my friends and family that I was anorexic, and there were doctors who insisted I drink protein shakes once a day. There were days when I would be forced to eat peanut butter and nuts in hopes that I'd gain a few pounds, and days where I wasn't allowed to stay in the bathroom for more than five minutes for fear I was becoming bulimic. I spent my high school and early adulthood years working to prove everyone around me wrong and eating everything I could, but never gaining weight, until one day everything changed.

Out of the blue one summer, I gained over forty pounds. Within a matter of months I had gone from around 120 pounds to 164 pounds. My doctors were astounded and worried and ran every blood test and workup they could, but I was ecstatic. Finally, after years of being too skinny and being called anorexic I had gained weight and fitting into a size 10 to 12 was to me, a miracle.

It took an intervention of epic proportions by my husband to get me to see the light. One day after a week away from home, I came in to discover every ounce of unhealthy food had been tossed and donated, and replaced by healthy versions. My husband sat me down and explained to me that while I was happy that I now considered overweight for my height and build, it was not a good thing and the two of us were going to start a diet immediately.

After years of being called anorexic, the thought of losing weight was devastating. I was filled with shame and true terror at the thought that anyone would find out I was attempting to lose weight. As the pounds gradually began to drop off I realized that I had a serious body image problem and should never have allowed myself to get that out of control with my weight. It shouldn't have mattered that some thought I was anorexic, I shouldn't have allowed those worries to push me right into the opposite side.

Today, for my height and body size, I'm relatively fit and weigh a healthy amount. While I no longer allow the words and voices of others to influence my weight gain or loss, there are days when I look at the scale after I've lost a pound or two and worry. I believe this will be a battle for me the rest of my life, but now that I've recognized it, I know that I'll overcome it and just be me and keep the weight that I'm happy with.

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