by Tanja Zagaschtoko-Mathias

Created on: July 09, 2008

"You would be better off with a diagnosis of cancer." The words that plagued me for many months, years there after. It was at the age of 18 years that I first heard of this debilitating disease called Crohn's. Yes, I was finally relieved to have a diagnosis of some sort, and not a diagnosis which involved my mental health, thankfully. What I mean to say, "I am not crazy after all. It is not in my head." For many months prior to my diagnosis, doctors had informed me that there was nothing wrong with me, other than anxiety, stress of starting college, moving, boys, etc. Of course, all of a sudden, boys were the root of my diahrea, weight loss, chronic stomache pain, and fever! So, I took my immodium, and off I went, like a compliant and naiive young lady.

Relieved does not even begin to express my emotions on the day of my diagnosis. Ecstatic, sane, and humanly are three words which can illuminate my emotions that first day of the rest of my adult life. However, there is another adjective which shortly came to life after realty set in, denial. How would I have ever survived without denial? Of course, denial prevented me from acting in my best interest, prevented me from complying with medical advice, and in turn, increasing the lapse times between remissions. I not only failed to take my preventive medications, I refused to take them, them being at least 16 pills daily, for my entire lifespan. Why should I take medications when I'm feeling great? I'm too young to have to be required to take so many pills. After all, I am only 18 years old.
Naturally, I became medically compliant during every flare-up. Pain, pain, and more pain took over all irrational thoughts that I had, and consumed my every thought I had, and every piece of lingering energy that might have still been brewing inside of me. Crohn's Disease stole many months, years of a happy, healthy life, and replaced it with misery, agony, and chronic pain.
Those were the years of my late teens and twenties. Now, in my mid-thirties, I have grown to live as a more wiser woman, wife, mother of three boys. After trying a medication called 6MP, a chemotherapy pill used to suppress the immune system, therefore, helping to control the Crohn's disease, I became severely ill, from the side effects of the medication. It seems my body can not filter the medication, even at a low dose, and so causes a high toxcity in my system. The disease, and scar tissue from the flare-ups, had been increasing over years, causing a small bowel blockage, which is one step away from a a perforated bowel. Everything I began to eat, and drink, I would regurgitate. So, I was scheduled for a small bowel resectioning surgery. The surgery was almost five hours long, with five days in the hospital, and over two months of recovery at home. I have never felt so much better in my life (life after diagnosis), than now. It almost feels like I am living without the disese. But, that would be wishful thinking. I am now only living without the diseased portion of my small bowel. The Crohn's itself continues to live within me, although quite calmly these past two years.
Crohn's Disease is a chronic disorder, which requires a life long adjustment, mentally and physically. And, the healing is also a long process. However, there are numerous treatment options now available, to allow for better living conditions. And, the numerous amount of research is growing everyday. Perhaps one day those of us suffering with this debilitating disease can be cured. One can only hope.

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