by Judith Windover

Created on: July 09, 2008

Can a relationship with a cheater work out? Of course it can. But only if the two of you are willing.

The ability to survive and overcome infidelity requires complete honesty and authentic accountability. The nature of surviving infidelity is not a question of can it work out in so much as it is about whether or not the two of you want it to work out. If only one person in the relationship wants the relationship to work out chances are it won't. But if two work together through the sweet and sour times anything is possible.

Infidelity is not about sex or emotions as much as it is about denying responsibility of previous decisions and a refusal to be accountable to the consequences of those decisions. Therefore, if a man claiming to hate his controlling girlfriend seeks infidelity as a means out of a relationship, he uses infidelity as an excuse because he feels unable to maturely exit the relationship by other more mature means. He further compounds his unwillingness to maturely deal with the real issue by casting blame on the woman in attempts to draw attention away from his own shortcomings. Infidelity is a mask that hides our unwillingness to rise above and be strong. That is why it is a temptation. Strong people do not resort to infidelity. Infidelity is a fatal flaw of inner weakness.

In the example provided, infidelity is not an indication of a controlling girlfriend but rather one man's inability to maturely deal with the sours of his present relationship. Infidelity does not solve relationship problems, but rather serves to complicate and compound existing issues. Hence the man used in this example can lie to himself and claim that his act of infidelity created an opportunity for his final exit, which is true. However, to say his act of infidelity solved the problems in his relationship is a lie. Consequently, it is quite possible this man might attract another subsequent controlling girlfriend because he never dealt with the real issues of what it is about him that attracts controlling women. Furthermore, and until he does, this man will quite likely keep attracting controlling women and continue to use infidelity as an excuse to exit the relationship. Thus a cycle is created providing proof that, "Once a cheat always a cheat."

However, if this same man was to go directly to the source of his real issues within, he might not feel the need to resort to such blame tactics like infidelity, and may resolve the issue in a more mature manner.

Some men and women

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