by Courtney Keskinen

Created on: July 09, 2008   Last Updated: November 19, 2010

"Does He Like me?"

This was a concept I struggled with as a shy teenager. I often set my sights on older boys who seemed to have a bit of shyness in their personality as well. However, I quickly learned, putting two shy people together makes for a very "quiet" combination.

There were several boys who never came right out and said they liked me. Rather, there were lists of "signs" a mile long that could point in either direction: inconsistencies in a boy's behavior and his choices to spend time with others that I chalked up to "shyness". The constant questioning and analyzing what a boy's ambiguous and non-committal statements really meant. Of course, maturity has a lot to do with it, but I look back now and realize that I liked to "sugarcoat" many of the signs there were right in front of me. These boys just weren't that into me.

"He's Just Not That Into You"

What a liberating statement to hear on an episode of "Sex and the City." - "He's just not that into you." - A groundbreaking notion that explained to women what they may not have wanted but needed to hear. When you are interested in someone, you do not want to acknowledge the possibility that they may not reciprocate your feelings. You may rationalize their "wishy washy" behavior, explaining away and even defending their actions. Think of how much time is wasted on waiting around for someone who may not even share your feelings?

It took me a while to learn and accept this simple yet difficult notion - if a guy likes you, you will know it. He will make it clear. He will call you when he says he will and he will see you because he wants to spend time with you. Many men (and women) may be into playing "hard to get" but eventually, it will become evident if there is truly something there worth spending your time on...games won't last forever, nor should they. If you like someone and they like you, games shouldn't even be a necessary part of the equation. You should never have to "chase" someone who truly has an interest in you because truthfully, you won't have to.

Perhaps hindsight is 20/20. I am now happily engaged to a wonderful man who let it be known from the very beginning that he was interested in me. That interest and consistency never wavered and I always knew where I stood with him. There wasn't any game playing. If I had let myself truly recognize these signs in the past to realize how a relationship should actually be, I would have saved myself heartache and countless hours waiting on a guy who really wasn't all that interested to begin with.

Finally, love and relationships should not be as complicated as we tend to make them. Analyzing and questioning another person's behavior can only take you so far. Remember, the excitement of a new romantic interest should bring out the best in both of you. A romantic prospect should be a person who makes you truly happy. So, if you're sitting at home alone on a Saturday night, wringing your hands and wondering if a guy likes you, you may need to contemplate the question if this person is who you need them to be.

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