by eugenie

Created on: July 09, 2008   Last Updated: February 16, 2009

I live a life where I walk on egg shells all the time... afraid to say anything wrong in case I inflame a situation and it all gets out of hand and physical.. You see I live with an emotional vampire who sucks the life out of me every day without fail. I no longer get any affection or love from him because he is so wrapped up in his own little world in which he is the King of the Castle.

I have this fear inside when he is in the mood he is today.. its like an ache in my chest that travels down my arm and the tears just flow and flow. I feel alone. He cares only about himself. I fear if I become unwell who will take care of me because he would take care of me but I would never be able to complain of anything or dare ask him for anything more than once. I cant bother him with anything.. He is jealous of our children. He has to have my full attention.. I remember he was even jealous I was breast feeding my child.. I had to give it up just so he could feed him a bottle.. I am not sure was he jealous of the child or me... I dont think he knows himself.. I wish someone could get inside his mind and tell me what he wants what is wrong ... My friend, who is a gp said he is insecure, afraid, angry, unable to control hisself and selfish to the core..

I carry all the burden of the financial problems we are in and I am expected to sort them, only lately has he got involved and I am sure thats the best thing as he gets very angry and aggiatated by it all. Life in general makes him angry.. I was a real alive bubbly person when he met me but today I feel alone old smothered and desperate for help where there is none available. Its not the way I expected life to be.. I have three beautiful children and only for them I dont think I would be here today. They are my life. When they are grown up and leave to lead their owns lives I will be left here with him. I know in my heart if our finanicial troubles where gone we would have some happiness. People say money does not buy happiness but it sure helps. We buy a lotto ticket every week and hope and hope only to have our hopes dashed when yet again we dont win.. Letters every day about this bill or this bill.. I try I honeslty try to no matter what I do it never turns out right not even my marriage. I look at other couples and they all seem so happy but when he looks at me and calls me the names he does how can I believe he loves me.. dont you want the person you love to be happy, loved and safe in their own home.. He compares me

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