by Zachary Katkin

Created on: July 08, 2008

Advice on Letting Go:
The 5 Simple Steps to Saying Goodbye, and 1 That Actually Works

You type in their Myspace URL, or constantly check their Facebook profile. You call their friends with stupid manufactured questions, looking for any information about what your former lover is up to. Or, you watch them across the yard through the thick leaves of the bushes in their backyard hoping to catch a glimpse of your love behind the cracked shutters. Okay, don't do this! But, it is true, "letting go" is very difficult.

I stumbled here, perhaps by accident, perhaps on purpose. Letting go of a relationship is hard. I should know, I am going through it right now. My girlfriend of more than two years and I recently split up and I've been reading a lot about the subject lately.

What Are You Feeling?

As your relationship is ending, or recently ended I am sure you are feeling a lot of emotions. You are hurt, upset, angry, depressed. Hurt by the other person's actions. Upset that things are the way they are. Angry that you wasted your time, that your former love wasted your time. Depressed because, things will never get better.

Most people or online resources will tell you to go through the following 5 simple steps:

1) Accept that it's over.

2) Write down qualities about yourself you love and admire. Even if you were the one that did the dumping or ended the relationship, perhaps you were in a self-esteem draining relationship. Get your old self back! Build your confidence by recognizing your good qualities.

3) Don't call, talk, hang around, or have sex with, your ex!

4) Write down all of the bad qualities of your lover. When written down it will help you realize that perhaps you didn't want to be with him or her at all.

5) Get rid of, or put away all the physical memories you had together (pictures, objects you purchased together, etc.) and accept that IT'S OVER!

The truth is these aren't bad, but they won't truly let you... let go. You will still think about your person, your baby, your pumpkin, your muffin. These will not eradicate the loss and help you let go. The first item hints at the true problem, and solution, but only addresses it mildly and in a very narrow context.

The pain you feel, the pain that comes in waves and feels like it will crush your chest every few hours cannot be eradicated using the above steps alone. The pain is much deeper. Your thought patterns and complete psyche must be excised.

Personally, I couldn't understand letting go. I also couldn't understand why

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