by Sophia Brennen

Created on: January 02, 2007   Last Updated: May 21, 2007

The problem with age gap dating is that others will not understand. His friends and family, your friends and family, people you randomly meet on the street, all of them will wonder why? This is hard to justify. I have spent the last six years with a man 20 years my senior. We are in it for the long haul.

I don't have a "daddy complex" and he isn't obsessed with younger women. Although, both of these have been thrown out as suggestions as the source of our relationship. And no matter how many times we have tried, we can not justify nor explain our relationship. So we stopped trying.

Here's a list of things you can and cannot expect when you've jumped a generation or two:

1. You will not share all the same interests. It is easy to find someone your own age that's into your music, trends, books, movies, whatever. This is more difficult in age gap dating. You like modern rock and they like music from your parents generation. You try to stay trendy and they've jumped off the fashion boat sometime in the 1980's. You like raves, they like jazz clubs. This is to be expected, you have to find a way to work around it.

2. If all your friends are your age and his friends are his age, it's hard to do group things. One of you is going to feel like an outsider, but don't exclude based on this. Make arrangements to do things together, as groups, invite a few from both sides of the generation and make sure it's something you all enjoy.

3. People will not understand. You cannot explain or justify your relationship to outsiders. It's impossible, so don't bother trying. You will spend all your time defending your relationship and it will disintegrate.

4. You will discover which of your friends are more in tune with you. Your friends that accept you unconditionally will not need justification outside of "because I like him/her". Your other friends will put some pressure on you for explanations. Explain if you like, then make it a non-issue. They will either accept it or they won't.

5. Families are a bit harder. 10 or 15 years is bad, but not parental age gap. Most parents are accepting of these age differences easily enough. Over 15 years and you will encounter some resistance. Eventually, your family gets over it and your SO will not be excluded. Until that acceptance though, family functions can be a lot like walking on egg shells. This goes both ways. If you are the oldest in the couple, you can expect some disapproving glances and snide comments about mid-life crises and what not.

6. Expect comments from the unknowing public about "parents", "children" etc. If you're in a store or restaurant, the occasional person will make a comment about "your father", "your mother", "your child". There is nothing to be done for it. If it makes you uncomfortable, find a way to make it more comfortable, whether that means making a joke or politely correcting the person or finding another way to deal with it, but you will have to deal with it.

7. Ignore those who refuse to admit it might be something. There are always going to be people who are against it simply because of the age difference. Despite the rising trend, it is still sort of taboo. All older men and younger women relationships have some grief-stricken housewife at home. This isn't true, but it's hard to defeat a stereotype.

8. Make sure you are accepting and open with it. There will be lots of difficulties, but the relationship will pay for itself if both parties are committed to it. However, if you feel the need to hide it because society disagrees, then it's not going to work.

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