by Luis Medel

Created on: July 07, 2008   Last Updated: July 14, 2011

Waking up from a nap on this hot and humid Monday afternoon which should be more of a Friday considering it was my last day of work at Grant Elementary. Again, I awoke with a strange feeling of emptiness. And at that point I realized I had another dream about you. It was a really bright sunset. We were driving back from my high school for some reason although I have no recollection of anything going on there. We're on the 91 freeway and although there appears to be an abundance of cars on the freeway, we seem to be going faster than anybody there. Anyway, we're on our way back driving when I realize I forgot some clothes and my keys and wallet back at the school. So I had to go back.

For some reason we became separated in the way of you being in your own car and me being in mine. Its at this point where I get off at the nearest exit and suddenly the congestion strikes. You keep going faster on the freeway while I go slower on the off ramp. Somehow the off ramp leads right into somebody's kitchen. There's an off white linoleum floor with blue squares. The walls and the cabinets where a kind of dirty yellow color. There 3 people there. So I quickly got my stuff and that's when they offered me some drugs of some sort. I did notice some banana leaves on the table. I kindly rejected it and left knowing that you were going further and further away, which filled me with anxiety. I can't stand the thought of you being far away. That's when I woke up.

I wish I got to say goodbye. Of all the things I wish I had the courage to say, that's the only thing I would, and also its the one thing I never ever wanted to say. Over the entire 6 years that I have known you, you never ceased to amaze me. There would be times where I'd come into work feeling numb. Or sometimes nothing. Its probably what death feels like. Its just my general mind set at work. Whether I'm in the copy room or in the classroom. Its rather mundane. The work day is inevitable as is anything of even the slightest form of discomfort.

Anyway, I'd just be doing my thing un-expecting your holy presence coming right around the corner. Sometimes its from my peripheral vision that snags me like a baited hook from a fish's mouth or I just happen to be staring at the empty doorway when I catch a nanosecond glimpse of you walk by. A blur that slows down. And within that miniscule fraction of time, you give me a smile and wave fit for a first lady. Perhaps its because you're mine. And all of a sudden in an even smaller

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