by BG Torres

Created on: July 07, 2008

The forecast today calls for snow. Immediately you come to mind. How you looked that day, your blonde curly waves neatly combed, your blue eyes shining like the seas. It's been almost twenty years since I last saw you but your memory runs fresh in my mind.

I remember how we met back in '89. Your sister a friend of my brothers gave you my number. You were asking me out on behalf of your friend, the approved method for dating in our teen world. Just 13, I had never met you though you and your friend swore you saw me in the halls of our shared Jr High. After many phone calls and a one time meeting I decided I could date your friend if it meant getting close to you, I had decided you were the one I wanted.

The dawning of the new school year, my 8th grade year and your Freshman saw an end to the relationship your friend and I had, if holding hands in the mall would qualify as such. We found ourselves talking off and on to each other and before we knew it we were a couple. I loved how blue your eyes were, like shallow seas. The way your smooth Texas drawl turned your sisters name into a song and the way you smelled.

You took me to a school dance that year. We stayed for a few dances, then found our way to your friends then back to your house. We danced quietly together in your room, then sweetly and softly you kissed me. My first kiss. I still can hear the sweet sound of Bel Biv DeVoe chanting "Never trust a big butt and smile" as we kissed and held each other. It still makes me smile. That night I took the shirt I was wearing and stuffed it in a drawer and would take it out to smell you and remember you.

Spring Break saw the end of our relationship. We hardly talked but somehow kept in touch. Summer came and went and school began again. I heard through a mutual friend you were moving. I called to verify what I had heard, but you were cold and distant. I told you I cared and would always be there for you but you weren't hearing it and hung up on me. I was afraid that was the last time I'd ever hear from you.

Then, on a cold snowy January morning I found myself staying home from school. My cousin had passed away and the funeral was that day. Just as I was getting myself out of bed, my phone rang. It was you. In town for a day you wanted to see me, but it wasn't to be. I was heart broken but ecstatic to know you thought of me. You lifted my thoughts on that dreary day.

One year later, snow claimed another day in our typically warm Texas town. School was canceled and once again my phone rang. This time you were in town for a few days longer. We were inseparable, spending every minute together. I was now 16. The time came for you to return to Kansas, I was heart broken but you left promising me that we would be together. Your parting sweet words filled with sweet teenage dreams still reverberate in my mind. You had it all planned out. We'd live in your parents basement while we finished college, just living on our love.

You returned home and shortly after you wrote. You had shared our plans with your sister and even talked of a ring. My only reply was that I'd met someone. I never heard from you again.

Now I sit. Watching the snow, nearly twenty years later. That someone is now my husband and we have two beautiful children together, but I can't help but wonder; every time that it snows, what could have been? Not a Winter goes by that you don't cross my mind. Is he happy? Does he have children? Is his wife every bit of what he deserves? There is no doubt in my mind that I loved you then. I wonder many a night, what if I hadn't written those words.

I have searched for you. Wanting to call or write you but too afraid. I fear that I have hurt you, but most of all, I fear that I imagined it all.

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