by Laurel Michaels

Created on: July 07, 2008   Last Updated: October 31, 2008

My midwife told me I should write down a birth plan. I had high ideals for the birth of my first child, so I dutifully complied. I wanted natural childbirth. I wanted to have my baby at home with a certified nurse midwife. I wanted a calm, tranquil setting. I wanted my husband to be supportive and comforting through the experience. I wanted a healthy baby and a normal recovery and time to bond with my baby. I wanted the experience to strengthen my marriage. I wrote this all down in great detail, as if it were a binding contract and I didn't want any loopholes. But fate didn't give it her signature.

Looking back, I think I was so fastidious because I had recently learned that things don't always go as planned. When I was seven months pregnant my dad had to have angioplasty. He had a blockage in his artery and the doctors needed to insert a catheter to unclog it. I remember asking the doctor before they started what would happen if the procedure didn't work and the blockage remained. He said that would be a worst case scenario and I shouldn't worry about it. Several hours later he told me the angioplasty wasn't working and dad would need emergency open heart surgery. Dad came out of it fine, but the experience taught me that sometimes the worst does happen. I worried about how my birth would go.

My marriage wasn't going as planned either. My husband was happy about my pregnancy, but a few months into it he started skipping days of work without telling me. His paychecks were short as a result and I was worried about money. He gave me excuses for his absences that, because I trusted him, seemed to make sense at the time. Then he started getting phone calls from a woman he met on his job as a bus driver. He said she was a friend, but I was uneasy. I asked him outright if he was cheating on me and he said no and blamed my suspicions on my hormones.

At 3:30 on a Monday morning, a week before my due date, my water broke. The contractions started right away, but were tolerable and I knew from all the books I read that it's best not to panic and to rest as much as possible during early labor. I waited until 6:30 AM to call my midwife and I called my mom because she lived in a different state and had a five hour drive ahead of her and she wanted to be with me for the birth.

I had lots of support over the next several hours. The midwife and her assistant were there of course, and my mom arrived. I also had my mother-in-law, my dad and his wife, my sister, and my best friend

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