by Beth Burns

Created on: July 07, 2008

When I was a little girl my mom knew everything. She stayed home to raise five children. She said she always wanted to be available for us. I was amazed at how much she knew about cooking. I don't recall a single meal that wasn't absolutely delicious. Her sewing was professional. One Christmas season she stayed up all night for weeks sewing clothes for my Barbie dolls. When I got sick only my mom knew how to make me feel better. She sang all kinds of cute little songs about things like peanuts on the railroad and a cat named Dingbat who sang flat. My mom was so funny. She was smart. She was pretty. She was perfect.

When I was about sixteen I started noticing that there were things my mom didn't know. She had dropped out of high school in the 1950's in order to care for her ailing mother. My mom never even finished the ninth grade. Whenever I asked her for help with my homework she would say, "Go ask your dad." It was annoying. Who is dumb enough to drop out of school anyway? When I was seventeen I met my first boyfriend. Whenever he came to our house my mom would sing one of her stupid songs to him. I was so embarrassed. When I was in college my mom would sometimes come to visit me in the dorms. She tried to make connections with my friends but I just wanted to die. There she was in her out of style, out of date clothes and bright red lipstick thinking she could be friends with my roommates. Once I graduated from college, I couldn't wait to get away from my mom. I was going to do everything in my power to make sure I didn't end up like her.

When I was twenty-five years old, I got involved in a very serious relationship. It looked like it was headed toward marriage. I was excited but scared, and all at once, I wanted my mom. At first I called her to ask how to prepare certain meals I wanted to make for my boyfriend. Soon I was asking her the deeper life questions like, "How did you know dad was the one for you?" She knew everything! When she finally met my boyfriend I was so impressed at how she made him feel at home. And when I got dumped it was her comforting words that got me through the deep pain. I allowed myself to learn so much from my mom over the next eight years. When she died suddenly and unexpectedly, I mourned for about two weeks before I was able to function again. I think of my mom every day and I miss her. I miss her funny little songs and her outdated clothes. I miss her beautiful smile. And each time I need help with something, I cry a little bit because I know mom would know what to do. I am thankful for the time we did have and I am glad I came to realize that my mom was so funny. She was smart. She was pretty. She was perfect.

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