Losing an argument is far less uncomfortable if you view it as a clash of ideas, not a contest between people. Acknowledging that your debating partner has presented stronger points in support of his or her position doesn't say anything about you as a person. What can reflect badly, however, is when someone attempts to brow-beat, trick, shame or otherwise force the other into submitting. But for the arguer who takes a genuine interest in what's being said rather than who is saying it, winning and losing are less of an issue.

If you're debating beliefs you hold dear, remember that what you've lost is an argument not the right to your opinions. Debating is a process, like putting decisions to a vote. There will be times when the results won't go in your favour, but this doesn't require you to adopt their beliefs as right and dismiss your own as wrong. You can concede gracefully by simply pointing out that the other party has made a better case and leave right' and wrong' out of it.

One of the best ways to concede and bring the argument to a close is with a light, good-natured joke which compliments your opponent' like "I might not agree with you but I'd certainly pick you for my debating team!" or "I bet you could give some politicians a run for their money!". The fact that it contains a compliment emphasizes that there's no ill-feeling.

You can also give credit where credit is due while the debate is going on in preparation for a dignified defeat. If the person you're arguing with comes up with an interesting or imaginative point, you can say something like "Hmm, I never thought of things in that way".

While political and philosophical debates can end with agreeing to disagree, arguments about the best course of action to take must reach some kind of conclusion. So how do you lose gracefully when it's about what color to paint the hall or how to divide up the new tasks at work? One consolation is that, regardless of the outcome, the fact that you put an alternative point of view forward has made an important contribution. Different options, reservations and potential problems need to be brought out in the open and discussed. By arguing your case, you'll at least know that you've done your bit.

As with political debates, the trickiest part is how to wind things up. If someone truly has won you over to their plan or idea, there's no harm saying so with something like "Okay, you've convinced me". If not, you can use a qualified closing such as "I'm still not totally convinced but I'm willing to give it a try". In these situations, agreeing with the other point of view isn't as crucial as agreeing to abide by whatever decision is reached.

Arguments about what might be happening in your relationship with friends or family members are a different story altogether and there are many fine articles on this site with advice about how to argue positively and keep things from getting out of hand. Where relationships are concerned, it really is a matter of winning or losing being less important than how you play the game. One party's losing graciously means you both win in what really counts - a return to harmony. You can close with something as simple as "Okay, I'll accept that. At least we were able to discuss it. "or "at least you know what I was feeling".

On the inside, perhaps the best way of all to lose an argument graciously is to focus at what you might have gained instead how it stretched you or gave you new ideas to ponder, what you learned about the way another human being thinks or how someone close to you feels.

Learn more about this author, Adele Gregory.
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