by Raquel Fox

Created on: January 02, 2007   Last Updated: May 31, 2010

Wrong Kind of Love

Dating in the millennium isn't easy, especially for women. You would think after years and years of watching the mistakes of our mothers we would not walk through our relationships with rose colored glasses. Love is the spirit that we yearn for and when we get a taste we become drunk by its passionate splendor. Yet, the next morning we wake up with that queasy feeling in our stomachs and like a glutton for punish we go back for more. I, like many women, went back for more time after time. Blinded by love I did not want to believe what was in front of my face in black and white. "How could she believe the lie that I have become?" Those words echoed through my mind, because those very words broke my trance.

After seven years of dating my college sweetheart, we married. I remember the day before my wedding day; I asked myself "What am I doing?" For a long time I wanted to get married, it was a childhood dream of mine that I thought would never come true. However many things about my new husband did not settle well with me. In the beginning he was kind, loving, and the man I wanted to have and to hold till death do us part. Then as our relationship progressed I found myself as the mother. I had to take care of him emotionally and to be quite honest my needs were not being met. I blamed myself for being overbearing, controlling, and just like my mother. However, I thought if I stay and try to make things better I could make things right. Then I found the one thing that every woman dreads, lies.

One weekend as I was cleaning the house, I found a card with a peculiar name. I did some research on the Internet and my eyes widen. I didn't want to believe the results so I put the card back in his pocket and thought, "Perhaps it's a friend's card." Then a month later, I found an e mail of his with this name again. This time the person who e mailed my husband was inviting him to this place for a party. I thought nothing of it, until he did not come home the night I found the card. We argued about his whereabouts and he told me that he was at a strip club. This argument was very familiar. In college he use to frequent strip clubs and stammered back to the dorm drunk. At least that was what he told me. After I found that card, I wasn't sure anymore if the man I loved was telling me the truth. Yet at the same time the truth was too much to bear. Therefore I continued our lie.

I remember the day he proposed. He knelled down on one knee at Tavern on the Green

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