6 of 8

Write now Article Tools

Basically if you haven't figured out what its safe to say to your teen by the time their 13 years old you need to get some advice. We all know it takes very little to set a teen in a rage. First we hate their friends, then we're too judgmental, and then they can't do anything to please us because nothing they do is good enough. We're the adults, we don't understand, we don't know. I don't know what we're supposed to know but according to our teen we just don't know or understand we're they coming from. The teen can't understand why we don't want strangers hanging out at the house when we're not home.

The teen just doesn't understand why your blaming their friends when half your belongings have been ripped off, but no one has been in the house except the teen's newly found friends.
You can go round and round and never solve anything. Its normal, it happens and a family is not unique because the parents are having disagreements with their children.
The one thing and major thing you should never insinuate or say is that the child cannot remain in your home if his/her behavior continues on its current path.
The child will be gone at the first opportunity. The ways of the world are too dangerous for teenagers to be out trying to cope on their own.
Thousands of teenagers run away from home every year in the US. Some of these kids actually make it in the outside world, some end up at another relatives, some end up living on the streets, and others end up dead in some remote part of the country and are considered John/Jane Does because their bodies are not recognizable. Is that how you want to spend your life, searching the Doe network in hopes of finding your lost runaway child?
Never, ever say anything to the teen that would make them have the impression you are going to put them out of your home. Your baby, your child that you love so much will be gone before you realize what happened.
In some families the parents start telling their teen that as soon as there 18 they need to find a place of their own. I am sure some of you have had those teens actually try to move in with you. If you don't live by those standards and want your child to stay home with you for more than the teen years you definitely have to make sure they understand that. For some reason as the teen's 18 birthday nears they start talking and thinking about moving out. My one daughter had heard so much about other parents wanting their kids to move after graduation, she started thinking that meant her too. Not in this house or should I say home. Our oldest daughter tried to move out more times than I can remember and ended up staying until she was 26 years old. Our now 18 year old had mentioned moving and went through a lot of anguish over it during the school year, but now is happy to be home and looking forward to going to the local college.
Raising teens is difficult there's no doubt about it. Carefully planning your conversations helps, but there's always those times. To me the most important thing to avoid is anything that would give your child the impression that they are not wanted there. Your child will loose and so will you.
Once upon a time an old friend gave me some advice about raising teenagers, "just duck and hope you live through it."

Learn more about this author, Kathy Mahon.
Click here to send author comments or questions.

Add your voice

Know something about What not to say to your teenager?
We want to hear your view. Write now!