by Marshall Parks

Created on: July 05, 2008

My philosophy (and it has worked well) is that we all have to face rocky times in our lives. I hesitate to generalize, but some curse their bad fortune, while others (like myself) step back and use their unfortunate experiences at a learning tool. Be objective enough that you can do this for yourself. Each and every human being has the capability to utilize this. The more trying the experience, the more important the lesson.

Again, I draw from personal experience. It took time before I was able to look at myself objectively. I was not pleased with what I saw and I promised myself that there were things I needed to change. Sometimes admitting the blame and taking it on to one's self is a very difficult thing to accept.

My first marriage was a disaster. When it was over, I was forced to look at myself and admit my misdeeds, of which there were many. This is the first step in the process of becoming whole. If one is not whole within themselves, then they can't proceed on a positive note.

Becoming whole allows an individual to not depend on another person to make them whole. This does not work. Relying on another to make you a whole person will put too much pressure on the other person and that will ultimately ruin the marriage.

I remarried 5 years ago to a wonderful, intelligent woman. I saw her outer beauty years earlier, but only when I got to know her did I see the inner beauty. Our first date was Thanksgiving Dinner at my oldest daughters home. By the next Thanksgiving, we were married.

Her family welcomed me with open arms. Her three children noticed the changes in their mother's happiness, as did her siblings and parents. This was a new and very surprising experience for me. To have the respect of my in-laws.

As a whole person, I was able to accept her children as part of myself as they were part of her mother. I was glad to make sacrifices for them as I would my own children. And for my children's part, they too love my wife and her children.

Sometimes I will not agree with my wife, but I am always respectful of her opinions. I am always respectful of her emotions. And we both have the gift of communication on a level that is never heated. One tends to say hurtful things in the heat of anger, which is counterproductive to the relationship.

If one is able to draw on their prior mistakes. If one accepts their part in those mistakes. Most importantly if one is a whole person before they come into the relationship, and marry a person with those same characteristics;

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