by George Dimitriadis

Created on: July 05, 2008   Last Updated: November 16, 2008

We were drinking coffee in the staffroom amidst a cornucopia of gossip, rumour and regrets. We were also immune to the cacophony of sounds authored by a phalanx of teachers dispensing their professional duties.
Tom was passionately explaining some aspect of psychology.
"Ultimately, our behaviour as teachers is a self-fulfilling prophecy. A classic study of Maslow's Hierarchy Of Needs."

"Huh?" I teased. Tom teaches psychology and, when excited, he is prone to erudition.
The bell sounded, reminding me of the unusual lesson I was about to give.
"Good luck," Tom called out as I walked towards the door.
Twenty pairs of eyes stared intently at me the moment I entered the classroom.
I was dressed as a chef, complete with a chef's hat and neckerchief. A Fu Manchu moustache and long fake nails completed my persona.
Without comment I unfolded a tablecloth that I was holding, placed it on the floor and with a oriental accent I began chanting, Ad Infinitum plus one,Ummm, Ad Infinitum plus one, Ummm....
Without warning I thrust both hands in my pockets, grabbed their contents and tossed a myriad of bamboo chopsticks high in the air. Mesmerized, all eyes followed the paths of the chopsticks as they performed aerial gymnastics.
"Me much need now two volunteers," I requested with my assumed accent, at the same time gesturing with both of my index fingers. All hands shot up. Everyone wanted a role in my histrionics.
"Vely vely good. Me choose Steve and Rosa. Steve, you count all chopsticks and tell me number. Rosa, please tell me chopstick numbers how much land on the tablecloth yellow stripes."
Steve and Rosa arranged themselves around the tablecloth as if they were having a picnic. Steve opted for the brute force approach. He thrust a finger at every stick and grunted 1, 2, 3,. Rosa displayed finesse. Only the barest movement of her eyes betrayed her purpose.
"Thirty-five, honourable one," Steve said, keeping up the spirit of the occasion.
"I counted twenty-three, sir," Rosa added. Both returned to their seats.
"You both top students," I praised them and I traced a tick symbol in the air with my long fingernails. "Now I have secret. Me go to Chinese restaurant last night," I revealed. "Made me think too much, eh?"
"Do you often do that?" Jimmy asked.
"Me go to restaurant many times, Jimmy," I informed him.
"No, sir, I mean do you often think?"
"It is old Chinese saying, he who mocks teacher fails subject," I said, maintaining the accent.
"How did eating in a restaurant last night get you thinking?"

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