by Dayna Hall

Created on: July 04, 2008

She always knew she was going to lose him, from the moment they met to the day he was gone, she just knew. She always tried to hold some of her heart back to safeguard her from the pain she knew would come, and yet today she knows that he was embedded totally in her heart.

Unconditional love was not something she was use to, therefore it was not something she trusted. How could he love her when her moods changed hourly and she seemed to be constantly pushing him away? Yet he held on tighter and loved her more. Even the times when she would tell him she didn't love him, he would smile and say yes you do, he seemed to know her better than she knew herself.

When they fought, and they did often those first couple years, he would come to her later with wild flowers and pull her into his arms, even when she resisted, and tell her he loved her and how sorry he was, even when it wasn't his fault. He always seemed to forgive her for anything, and when she made a mistake he would say "So what? We all make mistakes, it happens" He forgave her for stuff she couldn't seem to forgive herself for.

The good times, and there were plenty, were awesome. She remembers the simple little things they would do to amuse themselves and they had fun. She remembers the laughter the most, and realizes today that there had been more laughter between the two of them than she had ever experienced in her life. Those times were like high you didn't come down from.

She knows that he wasn't perfect, he was a complicated man who seemed to hold some of the things he was feeling and thinking from her. She remembers feeling like he was pushing her away when he wouldn't share what he was thinking about and yet today she realizes that sometimes we feel pain that hurts too much to share with anyone, even someone we love. His not sharing those feelings though was another reason she felt she couldn't trust him to love her forever, and made her push him further away.

He was her biggest champion and no matter what she wanted to do, he was always there to cheer her on or help in anyway he could. He thought the sun rose and set by her, and it is probably the reason why she tried to push him away. She seemed afraid that he would someday find out that she was not the wonderful person he seemed to think she was and would walk away from her. Yet the harder she pushed the harder he held on. He seemed to see something in her that even she couldn't see.

When he was gone, it hit her harder than she expected it would. She thought she was prepared for his leaving and yet she realized afterwards no matter how much a person thinks they are prepared they never really are. As time went on after his departure, the pain receded even though she still missed him. She became grateful for the time she had with him and knows that there will always be a part of her heart that will only belong to him. In the end she knows, that she was loved more in her life by one man than most people will ever experience.

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