by Angela S. Young

Created on: July 04, 2008

The sad truth is that people who are grieving have no choice but to make financial decisions. It's the way life is. Fortunately, many people pre-pay for their funerals and take the time to draw up good wills, but even with that pre-planning, decisions must be made immediately after someone passes away.

I spent much time with my mother during her last days going over her wishes. She preplanned her funeral and gave away some of the things she wanted specific people to have. In effect, she took care of most of the decisions before she passed away, leaving us with less decisions to make during our grief.

We still had to pick out a casket and grave site as well as finding ways to pay for them. I had tried to pre-pay before hand, but the funeral director gave me the "nobody does that anymore" speech, so we didn't push. As we went through the funeral, we got the "nobody does that anymore" speech from the guy about many things we wanted for her funeral. We pushed him anyway and told him it's what she wants and it's what's going to happen - with or without him.

The man was in his 80s and just didn't want to do certain things. We had to push at a time when people shouldn't have to push. But, that's the way life often is. Should you have to make those decisions during the fresh rush of grief after the passing of a loved one? No, you shouldn't, but other than pre-planning what you can, you should understand that when that time comes, decisions will be waiting for you.

The best thing is to pre-plan and pre-pay if you can, but a person also needs to be ready to fight for what they want, even when they are grieving and must make snap decisions. Maybe you don't have a lot of time for debate, but take a moment to think about the decision from the vantage point of the deceased and/or yourself. Is it what you really want? Will it make a difference in the long run?

As a part of pre-planning, you can make these decisions easier for your loved ones by making sure you have all your papers stored someplace safe, like a safety deposit box or with your lawyer. Then make sure your family knows where things are and what your wishes are. Then, when they face that inevitable day, they will not have to grieve over making wrong decisions or dealing with unscrupulous people who might try to take advantage.

Last, I would advise that as you make decisions, get it all in writing. It's hard to think about those things in the midst of grief, but this is good advice any time and especially when you cannot think well. The old adage "document, document, document" means you will have recourse if you find someone has cheated you. So plan beforehand whatever you can, and document any major decisions, especially financial, after the fact. No one needs grief added to by shysters or unclear thinking.

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