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I don't want to open my eyes (True Story)

I sit up with a jolt
looking around at my surroundings
taking in my environment
becoming aware of where I am.

Sweat glides down my face in silent strides
one by one, slowly, creating a line of water
My heart beats in my chest endlessly,
pounding harder and harder with every pump.

I had another nightmare tonight,
Another dream of you

Another moment with you
Another life with you

Tears slowly descend down my face,
Blending in with the sweat,
Blending in with the pain,
Blending in with the memory of you.

I lay back down silently on my sheets
Tears exposing themselves continuously
My heart beat quickening
My head aching

I can remember you
I can see you
I can smell you
I need you

I close my eyes silently,
I wait...
I wait...
I wait...

Your breath lightly draws itself along my cheek
As you arms wrap around me protectively
Your cheek is on my cheek
Your body against my body.

I refuse to open my eyes,
I refuse to think this is a dream
I just think of you
And your arms around me

Your scent, so sweet
Sends chills down my spine
As I breathe you in
Drink in your life.

My heart pounds at the slightest sound of your breath
As you breathe on me
Your chest rising slowly
Bumping lightly against my back

I can touch you
I can hear you
I know you're there
I know you're here with me

I place my hand,
On your hand,
Feeling the warmth of your skin on mine
Feeling the bolt of electricity run through me with a single touch

I lightly place my fingers upon yours,
Drawing on your hands
Drawing on your wrists
Making my way up to your arms.

My eyes are still closed,
I will not open them.
I don't want to see you
I just want to feel you

"You there?" I whisper
waiting for an answer
waiting for a reply
waiting for life

"I am always here" you whisper back
silently lifting yourself effortlessly
placing your lips on my cheek
kissing lightly

Tears fall on your arms,
Still wrapped around me,
Creating small droplets of water
Making you seem more real.

My heart pounds in my chest
Butterflies creating themselves in my stomach
And the bolt of excitement from your voice
The shock of your existence.

"You left me" I choke out
my voice is cracking
my voice is full of sobs
my heart is broken.

"I am right here" you speak
"I will never leave" you promise
and I smile through my tears
I smile as I think of you

Do I dare open my eyes?
Do I dare open my eyes?
Do I dare open my eyes?
I will open my eyes

I want to see you
I want to feel you
I want to know your still here
I want you to know I am still here.

I can't open my eyes
I am afraid
I am crying
I don't want you to leave

"I love you" you whisper,
your breath creating shocks in my body,
your breath causing me to breathe in sharply
I can smell you.

"Don't leave me" I beg
"Not again" I plead
"Not ever" I whisper
I open my eyes

I sit up with a jolt
Looking around at my surroundings
Taking in my environment
Becoming aware of where I am

Sweat glides down my face in silent strides.
One by one, slowly, creating a line of water.
My heart beats in my chest endlessly,
Pounding harder and harder with every pump.

I had the same dream last night,
Another thought of you
Another recollection of you
Another time with you

Yet, every time I open my eyes
You are gone
My heart breaks once more
At the memory of your death.

Learn more about this author, Stephanie Feltham.
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