by Christine Roth

Created on: July 03, 2008

So, I fell in love with a guy, and I knew he had a daughter. His daughter was 18 months old, well behaved, and he didn't seem to have her often but when he did he was attentive to her needs and just an overall great dad. I wish I knew then what I know now.

They never went to court, because they weren't married. While they seemingly hated each other, they got a long for the sake of the daughter, she deserved two parents who loved her, though both thought the other had issues with their parenting. It wasn't long before I moved in. At first the calls from her were unbearable, calling constantly, battling him about money and pick up and drop off times, but they seemed to even out and things seemed to come around, or so I thought.

He ended up working more, and good old mom ended up enjoying life more, and who ended up with the baby? I did. Monday through Friday more days than not from sunrise to after sunset, she was all mine. She never knew I wasn't her "second mommy". It's always been this way, in her now 4 year old little mind, I've always been a part of her family. I loved her as my own, though she always showed a preference for her biological mother....something I feared. Bio mom and I are nothing alike. She's loud, I'm quiet. She expects nothing, I expect something. I live by a schedule she does not. She thinks once she's done with college she's going to come back and take full custody of a daughter that I've raised for the last 3, nearly 4 years, what can I do? NOTHING.

Dad doesn't understand that it's hard raising his daughter alone because he works so much, that I have to deal with mom who thinks she is entitled to his money, his attention his time, and everything daughter related even though I'm the one who has her all week, every week. She is demanding, mean, and loud. Her daughter, despite the limited amount of time she spends with her, becomes more like her with every passing year. He has to spend more time with the daughter over our son as if he doesn't, the daughter goes and tells mom that dad didn't spend any time with her and an argument ensues. If it's not that it's because she is so demanding of his time and energy due to her inability to behave all because mom feels to guilty to punish her at her house.

All the other parents treat you like half a parent because your not a bio-parent. Your not recognized at school banquets, though your the one who has been up all night helping with homework. You don't get credit for her sparkling white teeth, though your the one who got her off the bottle, and taught her to brush them. Your not her mother because you disciplined her for running out into the street so she doesn't get hit by a car, your only a babysitter until mommy finds a better job...then she can go home. But still, you love her.

Why do stepmothers need more support? After relaying my story, do I really need to sxplain it?

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