by Lisa Beach

Created on: July 02, 2008   Last Updated: September 25, 2008

How to manage it successfully depends on who you are asking, and what sort of relationship you have with the person being asked. For example, you wouldn't try to persuade your boss to go pick up your daughter from ballet class, and your son from soccer practice. That would be absurd. In such a case, it would be a spouse who needed persuading.

The basics when trying to persuade someone to do something for you, is to have something to offer in return, no matter how small. Sometimes a "Thank you" is all it takes, sometimes, a bit more creative wrangling is necessary. For example, you might be able to get Mom to pick up the kids, but if the only person to ask is a husband, and he doesn't "do" picking up the kids, you WILL have to be more creative.

First, let him know there is no one else available, and why YOU can't do it. "Honey, I need you to pick up the kids at 4:00; I'll be at the doctor's with Mom; pick them up, bring them home, and when I get back we can order take out of that Chinese place you love so much."
Another method for persuading someone, is the "I'll owe you one" trade off. If your sister Sally takes your dog to the groomer's for a bath or whatever; you will babysit her kids when she's out of town next week. If Dad will mow your lawn, because your husband has a broken arm, you will make him a homemade apple pie; if your brothers will help paint your house, you will take them all to see their favorite sports team play live; the offer just has to be something the recipient loves, but rarely gets.

And, if it is a male who needs a female's help, thee same basic concept applies: a trade off for something she likes, but rarely gets. A half day at a professional spa for her whipping up a picnic for him and his buddies at a weekend football game him and his buds threw together at the last minute without a thought for food. A nice dinner out for taking care of more than just YOUR kids that day; even something a simple as a back rub, for whatever reason.
Women are used to trade offs amongst themselves [as family or co-workers/friends], but you had better have a good reason if you are none of those.

Speaking of family, with me [and maybe you too], it depends on which family member it is: I shudder at the mere thought of my mother-in-law. I don't care WHAT kind of thing my husband tries to entice me with, that woman is crazy. She can hold a grudge longer than the universe is old, and over something miniscule. I'd rather have a root canal.

Whether you manage to persuade someone to help you or not depends on who you are asking, and if [s]he is capable of helping you in the first place. It depends on his/her relationship with you, and if you feel that person can be trusted. You are more likely to get complex help from family and less from a co-worker or boss.

In fact, I advise you against asking a boss at all. [S]he doesn't need to be involved in your home life anyway. The only time I would even SUGGEST such a thing is if there were a 911 emergency involved.

Choose who you want to ask a favor of wisely.

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