by Bev. Sand

Created on: July 01, 2008   Last Updated: November 08, 2008

I went to the library this evening. I love the library so much! It's my happy place, my sanctuary, the endless stream which quenches my thirst for knowledge. In fact, I could pull up a cot and spend days there. But, alas, I don't go to the library nearly as often as I would like to, because the head librarian hates me. I don't know why. I might just ask her someday. She glares at me, snaps at me, and does everything but spit at me. Hmm... it's a mystery. Her loss.

I went this evening with a mission in mind. I was looking for books about the paranormal. Haunted places in my area. Ghost stories to make my hackles rise and my skin crawl. Places where I could, after reading about them, go with my ghost-busting friend and take pictures trying to catch a spirit in action. Or take a recorder, and catch some ghostly voices conveying messages from the grave. I know, before you cluck your tongue, and shake your head, it's an awful thing for a Christian person to do. I have talked with God about it already. And, I still find it fascinating.

I found a couple of books about ghosts, but there was a paltry selection. So instead, I checked out several books containing trivial facts. Did you know that an abalone has 5 rectums? Count 'em, (or just take my word) FIVE! Now, the way my mind is running at this time of morning, I'm thinking if this is a homosexual abalone, he must be very happy indeed. Sorry, very lame joke. No offense to my gay friends. The result of too much information shoved into my head within the space of about 45 minutes and too many chili dogs crammed into my belly this awful time of morning. But, whatever the case, I now know more about Alexander the Great than I ever cared to. (Wow, was HE ever a creepy guy!) I know that penguins do indeed have knees. I will never again wonder why the mailing labels on magazines are usually upside-down. I know that in ancient civilizations, the hour ran between 45 and 75 of our present day minutes, depending on the season. Cleopatra was NOT killed by an asp, and also was not beautiful, contrary to popular belief. In fact, according to one of the many, many trivial facts I mentally ingested that day, she was plain butt ugly! Imagine that! I feel better now. I no longer envy Cleopatra her beauty. I am a much smarter person than I was an hour ago. I'll bet I'm even smarter than Cleopatra! And, just as pretty!

But, you know what? I'll forget it all by tomorrow. Well, all but the abalone thing. That's just creepy enough to stick. I'm going to bed now. Got a busy day ahead, and my brain is tired. Recommended, useless, but hilarious and highly informative reading. "The Know-It-All" by A. J. Jacobs

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