Single and happy...not mutually exclusive states of being, yet for some reason, a large percentage of the population seems to attach being happy with being, well, 'attached'.

As a person who has been in and out of relationships, I shoot it straight from the hip - yes it is possible to be happy while you are single. However, it is entirely possible that you are one of those people who are simply happier when they are NOT single.

For a long while now, 'needing' to have a significant other has been looked down on. Several of your attached friends will tell you 'It's ok - you can be happy alone'. Several of your unattached friends will say the same...and perhaps some of them will actually believe it. The idea here is not to ignore your instinctive feelings - if you're generally happier when you're 'with' someone - it's ok to acknowledge that and come to terms with it.

So what happens once you've acknowledged this, and have come to the realization once the dust settles that you currently are, in fact, alone? Then my friend, it's time to go into 'survival and thrival' mode.

The bottom line is this - you have to genuinely bring yourself into a place where you believe it's OK to not have someone right now. And then you have to honestly believe that in the future, the universe WILL bring someone to you. All you're doing right now is biding your time. And while you wait for that someone to come along, by golly are you going to be constructive and happy!

The first thing to do is identify the things that make you happy for yourself and by yourself. When I suddenly found myself out of a relationship I rediscovered the joy I found in reading and watching films. The good news - the resurgence of these interests made me a more interesting person...which made me someone that other people wanted to talk to...which made me an attractive individual to members of the opposite sex...you see where I'm going with this.

Once you've found your own J-Spot - or source of joy, follow it, practice it, and indulge in the little things that make you happy. Re-establish your relationship with your friends, volunteer...sometimes all we want to feel is love and love is not exclusive to a partner - the love and gratitude you will feel from giving a little of yourself to the rest of the world may be just the thing to carry you through this time of 'singledom'.

I won't tell you to love yourself. You know this already. So if you think you're too fat, DO something about it. If you hate your hair - change it. Bottom line - identify the things you are not satisfied with and make a concerted effort to change them for the better. Because no one - and I mean no one - is going to do it for you.

Bottom line - some people really do like to be alone. If you are not one of those people - don't lie to yourself about it. And don't wonder if there is something wrong with you because you cannot feel totally complete by yourself. Your goal is to be as complete as you can be by yourself - and be as happy as you can be by yourself. And once you have that deep rooted glow of a person who is as peace - the rest will follow.

Learn more about this author, Dalreen Fobler.
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