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Humor: The differences between a man & a woman

by Lowri Ann Davies

Created on: June 30, 2008

A couple, Mark and Joanna, are curled up on the sofa at Joanna's small modest flat in Kensington London. They have been together for over three years with no unhappy interruptions;

Joanna thinks;
Wow this is so romantic, the TV is off, the rain outside is beating down against the window. The fire is on and there are candles burning around the room. I am totally peaceful and comfortable because I'm cuddled up to the man I love. I can gaze into his beautiful deep green eyes and see his soul. I can feel his life coursing through his veins, his radiant heat flows into me and warms me from my very deepest darkest inside. Here we intertwine, our hearts beating each others name, and the synchronisity of our breath making us one ever loving never ending entity.


I don't want to move from my peaceful bough but I want to run us a lovely bubble bath where I can sit and he can massage my back while I lovingly wash his body. I want him to feed me grapes and strawberries and run his fingers through my hair. I want him to look into my eyes and say 'I love you Joanna, Marry me tomorrow lets start a family, let's live together forever'. I want us to stay up all night making passionate, burning love and in the morning I want to wake up with him leaving the bed to make me a breakfast of cereal and fresh fruit, before he climbs back into bed and makes love to me for the rest of the day.
Then we will have a beautiful Winter wedding on christmas eve in a Castle in Scotland, where there is snow on the ground. Nine months later I will give birth to twins, one girl one boy both dark haired and green eyed like Mark, but with my cheekbones and my nose (because although I love him his nose is awful). We'll buy a little dog and live in a house on a cul-de-sac with a people carrier and a garage and a garden with a climbing frame and a sand pit for our children to enjoy. Then we will grow old together and never stop loving each other and help each other across the road when we are too old to do it ourselves.

At this point Joanna lifts her gaze from the roaring fire and into Mark's eyes. She smiles at him and sighs contentedly, she runs her fingers over his chest and rests them under her chin. Mark looks down at her and smiles.

Mark thinks;
How much longer is she going to lie on my arm, I've got pins and needles and I'm bloody starving. She keeps looking at me with her hungry 'Give me a baby' eyes and any minute now she is going to ask me if I love her. Again.

To be fair though when she sits up I get a cracking eyeful of her rack and if I say I love her, I'm bound to get a shag.

Learn more about this author, Lowri Ann Davies.
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