by Michelle Reed

Created on: June 30, 2008   Last Updated: September 01, 2010

The day that you were dreading has finally come. While you were not looking, your baby girl grew up. It often happens to parents of teens, we see our children every day from birth, but somehow we balk at the idea of them growing up and maturing. Leading your daughter through this confusing stage' is a special time, and how you handle it could strengthen the bond you have.

Most women can recall having "the talk" with their mothers, or caregivers. Often humorous stories are derived from this session. Use this knowledge to help get started.Remain calm as you talk, stuttering and bouncing like a Mexican jumping bean might be a little distracting.

Start with asking your daughter what she may already know. Appropriate body language, facial expressions and responses are a must here. You want her to open up about a very private subject and feel safe talking about it. Body gestures of placing your hand over your heart or gaping mouth are not helpful. Keep your eye brows down to avoid the bug-eyed expression; it is natural to hear the staccato beat of your heart in your ears at this moment. Use responses like: "okay", "yes, that's true", "no, that is not true", "that is a common misconception." Avoid responses like: "a body can do that?", "for how long?", "let me grab a pen." You have to stay in control of the conversation.

After hearing what knowledge your daughter has, be sure to correct any false information she may have learned on the Internet, at school or the local teen hang-out. Put off the mental list of security systems, chastity belts, teenage boy detection systems, and swat surveillance for later. Move on to the psychological aspect of sex and intimacy. Sex should not be taken lightly like choosing which bowling alley to go to on Friday night, no matter what the single neighbor next door does. Sex is mental as well as physical. Let her know that the scared, confused and embarrassing feelings that she has are normal and she should be feeling this way for a long, long, long time to come. This is after all a preparation talk about the future, distant future. If she is not afraid, modify the mental list and operation "Parent Watch" is a go.

Peer pressure is an issue for all teens. It is okay to be teased for being a virgin, let her know it is a way of breaking down her defenses and making her do something she is not prepared to do. Be vigilant about getting names without being too obvious, swat needs to update their system regularly. Being labeled Most Likely

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