by Chloe Wolf

Created on: June 30, 2008

Imagine for a few moments that you are a visitor to the United States from another country and culture. You are aware of a national celebration called Christmas, but are uncertain of its date. You trust that there will be indications that the holiday is imminent.

No sooner are the candy corn, witches, and trick-or-treat bags whisked from the store shelves than they are replaced with candy canes, belled elves, and stockings, to be hung by the chimney with care, along with: stick-on bows that don't; aerosol cans of fake snow; plastic mistletoe (a real dust collector); icicle lights in red, green and blue (go figure); large light-up reindeer complete with bobbing heads that appear to be saying, "Yes, yes;" and candies wrapped in green, red, and silver just for the season. Same candy, new wrap. Gosh, Christmas must be very near. Not. What our visitor has observed is a mere prelude to the real thing, the real Christmas rush.

The next signal that the holiday is approaching may be the music you hear. On the car radio, on elevators, in stores you are force-fed a steady diet of seasonal music from such noted performers as the Chipmunks and Gene Autrey. You will be treated to traditional favorites like "Santa Baby," "Rocking Around the Christmas Tree," and "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer." Puzzling to our visitor, no doubt. But surely, if all you hear is Christmas music twenty-four hours a day, the holiday must be just around the proverbial corner. No such luck. You will be subjected to the sound of sleigh bells and the whinny of horses for a full two months until it ends abruptly at midnight on December 25.

Not to be deceived by the music and store displays, you turn to the television. Why, look! Tha dais behind which the news commentators sit is bedecked with ponsiettas, which you know to be the traditional Xmas flower (though you have no idea why the holiday is thusly abbreviated). Many of the ads feature Santa, often gliding through the sky in his sleigh led by his faithful reindeer, but sometimes appearing in homes, eating cookies and sipping milk, winking knowingly. He might also be seen driving an SUV, eating a taco, or brushing his teeth. He is human, you know.

Some ads may feature Santa-esses, dressed in short skirts and fur-trimmed cleavage. Elves are plentiful as well, frolicking among electronics displays or perched atop new vehicles.
And just about everything is gift-wrapped. Huge red bows are in abundance, encasing everything from furniture to caskets (Christmas

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