by Catherine M. Harris

Created on: June 30, 2008   Last Updated: October 26, 2010

We all like to do our best when we produce something, but for some people the pursuit of the perfect result is a frustrating and paralyzing experience. While perfectionism may seem like a personality trait, it can and often is associated with another disorder, such as obsessive compulsive disorder or extreme anxiety.

To understand when someone has crossed the line from wanting to do a really good job on a project to perfectionism, the most obvious is whether they are ever satisfied with something. Do they become highly anxious in performing the task? Are they often late in handing papers when they haven't been procrastinating? Or conversely, do they procrastinate over fear of not being able to produce something that is perfect?

My son has Asperger's Syndrome and perfectionism is a main cause of his meltdowns. He gets results from tests and if it is a 98%, there is a real danger the paper will get torn up and he's angry for hours afterward. I've seen him spend hours painstakingly doing a drawing for an assignment, make one small error and then tear up the sheet in frustration. Try as we might to get him to understand that mistakes are a part of learning, his disability makes it hard to accept not being the best at what he does. Asperger's people become little experts at things they do, so it is very hard for them when something they know they are good at isn't absolutely perfect.

Seeing my son's reactions I can sense very strongly that it is in a large part based in anxiety. What is needed to help individuals who suffer from perfectionism is to take part in a program that will help reduce that anxiety. Mind Masters has some tools to help teach people how to handle failure. Other methods of stress reduction like meditation and exercise can help take away that edge and reduce the anxiety. Lastly, anti-anxiety medications can help though since these are very strong medications I personally wouldn't feel comfortable giving them to a child or adolescent unless the perfectionism was paralyzing them emotionally.

Perfectionism is also fed to large degree by the media, particularly with body image for teens and young adults. To help a child not become bulimic or anorexic it is important to help them develop a good sense of self esteem. If they are involved in dance or sports like gymnastics or figure skating, they need to know the difference between a healthy weight and falling victim to the perfect body especially if there is peer pressure to be skinnier. If you feel your child is becoming overly obsessed with their body image, talking honestly with them and their teachers or coaches is important. If this is not effective, then it may be necessary to have them receive professional counselling or even remove them from the sport if their perfectionism is taking over their life. It is far more caring to ensure a healthy future than a spectacular but potentially deadly sports life.

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