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Is He a Dream or a Dud?

Things have never been easier for women who like to shop for the male species.

All you need to do is point and click your way to infinite romantic possibilities - anything from a spunky pen pal in Ireland to the ultimate Mystery Date. Will he be a Dream or a Dud?

Once you become familiar with the internet, you never have to leave the house again to find a date. The best part of man shopping from the privacy of your home is that you don't have to fret about applying makeup, fixing unruly hair, or selecting just the right shoes to match your new jacket.

Redirect your energy and go directly to www.i'mreallydesperate.com to browse the personal ads of the e-guys your local region has to offer. Date shop with ease as you slouch unattractively in holey underwear, gobs of night cream smeared liberally across your face, while you munch on greasy, salty chips that crumble gracefully down the front of your floppiest gray sweatshirt.

Surf merrily across the sumptuous sea of thought-provoking photographs depicting eligible bachelors, who are chomping at the bit for the opportunity to type their way into your emotional spectrum.

Some of the pictures you view might show Mr. Possibility dressed in a T-shirt and baggy shorts, holding a beer in one hand and making a peace sign with the other. There's also the type of ad photo which shows the good-looking guy in question clad in a tux with his arm around a remnant of a woman (ex-wife?) who was obviously cropped out of his life.

Then there are the flashy, flesh-crazed men who think that exposing as much skin as possible in their on-line pic makes them more desirable to intelligent, self-respecting women.

If you try hard enough, you might stumble across a handsome face that seems almost worthy of a response from you. So you scrunch up your brow, muster every shred of courage you own, and write him a relatively simple, naive email that might go something like this:

"Dear IDO694U,

After reading your personal ad, I thought I would drop you this note. Like you, I enjoy moonlit walks on the beach, eating watermelon, and watching wild animals mate. Beyond that, my life isn't too exciting, except that I won first prize in a chess tournament when I was 12 years old.

I'm not sure how I feel about nipple clamps, I didn't understand that part of your ad. Does it have something to do with nursing babies?

Please write back if you are interested.

Sincerely,

Curiously Apathetic 100 miles away

P.S. Are the letters BDSM your initials?"

The

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