by Desiree Gordon

Created on: June 29, 2008

Nothing compares to a black child who is robbed of a life without a father. As if dealing with the realities of society wasn't enough, they now have to experience life without the luxury of knowing and having both parents in their world; due to the selfishness and irresponsibleness of an absent black father. Many believe that black mothers can raise black children alone; it is possible and has been done for many years but it is not easy, in fact, it is a struggle especially raising young black men.

Absent black fathers fail to realize the damage they are doing to their offspring's. The absence of a father in a young mans life usually brings on a feeling of guilt, blame, and even anger towards ones self. They feel that their father left because of them; because they do not love them. A mother can heal their emotional wounds but so much. A mother can not completely relate to her son. She can love him, yes, but she can not fully understand him the way his father can because she was never a little black boy. Some young black men not all who father's were absent in their lives, go on to be absent in their children's lives furthering a vicious cycle of fatherless children.

Young black girls whose father's are absent from their lives suffer the most. Most look for that fatherly figure in the men they date. They usually want to date very young and become sexually active very early. Some even become very promiscuous using sex to get love from men as a substitution for the unconditional love they long for from a father. Many suffer from self-esteem issues; the term "daddy's little girl" doesn't come from no where. There isn't a better feeling to a girl than hearing how beautiful she is from her father; because she knows it is genuine.

I was privileged enough to come from a home where both my mother and father were present. Of course at the age of 5 they divorced and moved into separate homes but my father was still in my life. The benefit of having a father as a young black woman is that my self-esteem and self-confidence is very high. From the time I was a little girl my father always told me in order for others-including men- to respect me I would first need to have respect for myself. I have many friends both male and female who have grown up in homes without their fathers. One of my closest friend's who is a young man has told me that he feels a piece of him is missing, because he does not know who his father is and neither does his mother.

A fatherless home most likely comes with a motherless home because the black mother has to work two, sometimes even three jobs to provide twice as much to make up for the lack of help she is receiving from the absent black father; leaving little black children to raise themselves. This cycle will only continue if people fail to understand the importance of having both parents in a child's life. We are shaped as adults from the experiences we have when we were children. How can black children grow to be successful if they do not have the necessary key essentials as a child? In my life I see my father as my protector, who is there to protect another fatherless black boy or girl?

Until next time

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