MY BROTHER
My brother, Cliff, with heavily labored breathing, struggled to turn onto his right side to turn off the screaming alarm clock that shattered his peaceful sleep with its ear splitting, annoying sound. It was four A M and his daily struggle just to stay alive was beginning once again. His weakened body continually resisted his many attempts to get out of bed and each attempt found him lying back on the bed. He would finally manage to get his feet on the floor and place his elbows resting on his knees with his face resting between his hands. The struggle to get to his feet required all the determination he could muster to make his legs find the strength to push and pull himself to his feet. His breath was becoming harder to gather with each day and the distance he could walk without stopping to breathe became shorter and shorter. The kitchen was only a short distance from the bedroom, but it would take him several minutes just to get there. He would support himself on the walls of the short hallway until he reached the living room. From there to the kitchen the living room furniture would be his support. The coffee maker had been prepared the night before so he had only to turn it on. He liked the small frozen waffles he could put in the toaster and that would be his breakfast. This was another day for dialysis and he had to be there at six A. M. He staggered back to his bedroom to begin the laboring task of dressing himself.
Cliff suffered with congestive heart and kidney failure and had to go to dialysis three times a week and the fluid drained from around his heart every three days. He had been in and out of hospitals on a regular basis for the last two years. The last time was a battle with pneumonia and the disease weakened him beyond his ability to fully recover. It was this hospital stay where they discovered he was accumulating too much fluid around his heart and they inserted another tube in his chest to drain the fluid. The procedure was so new and unique the hospital had nobody trained in the procedure, so they asked his daughter-in-law Lynn if she would learn and administer the procedure, which she did. Prior to this hospital stay, he had been driving himself to and from dialysis three days a week. Although limited, his mobility prior to the pneumonia attack allowed him to basically care for himself, but now because of the pneumonia and the continuous accumulation of fluid around his heart he found himself in such a weakened condition he would be unable to care for himself.
The hospital was aware Cliff lived alone and there would be nobody there to care for him if he was released. A Social Worker was called in to evaluate his condition and to do whatever was necessary to assist him in his recovery. Several negotiations were in progress to find a nursing home for him that provided dialysis and physical therapy similar to that he was receiving in the hospital. A place was found and he was to be moved to the home on Monday. The hospital therapists had been getting him up and having him walk each day to strengthen his legs. On Monday morning the Social Worker told him he was no longer eligible for the home because he took too many steps during his walk the night before. He was too well being the way she put it.
Cliff's son Ken and his daughter-in-law Lynn began addressing the problem through Cliff's insurance company trying to get home care nursing as well as other necessary care needs. Nobody seemed to know anything about anything. I drove up from Miami to Columbus to help and took him home when he was released by the hospital on Monday and cared for him as best I could. I was able to get him a tall commode chair so he could get up and down in the bathroom. He was so weak he could hardly wipe himself. I took him to and from dialysis during the time I was there. Sometimes we would stop on the way home and have breakfast. You could see the tiredness in his eyes and could almost feel the discomfort he was suffering. He would lie down in bed to rest after coming from dialysis and sleep for a few hours.
He liked going outside and sitting in the sunshine. We would talk about old times and muster a small laugh once in a while. You could tell he never felt good and the illness was wearing on him. Depression was getting worse each day. Cliff was a proud man and was independent for all his life. To be in the condition he was in and unable to do anything for himself must have haunted him every minute he was awake. Lynn worked extremely hard every day with his Doctor and his Insurance company trying to find a nursing home that had the adequate ability and facilities to provide the care he needed and would agree to accept him as a patient. Each attempt was blocked by some seemingly trivial or meaningless rule that they applied.
Because of a prior commitment to attend my grandson's graduation and a surprise 75th birthday party for my wife, I had to leave for Cumming Georgia on a Thursday after his dialysis. Before I left on Thursday, it was understood that his friend was going to take him to dialysis on Saturday and his son Ken would take him on Tuesday and Thursday. I called Saturday afternoon to see how he was doing and he seemed very upset but said he was all right. I received a phone call from Lynn on Monday informing me he had decided to discontinue treatment. I called him right away to ask what happened. He told me he was sick and tired of the way he was living and the condition he was in was no life at all. He said he wanted to go and was ready and not to try to talk to him about it anymore. His mind was made up. Lynn, God bless her, cared for him and Hospice was there to ease his pain and help him have peace. He made his peace with God and accepted Jesus as his personal savior and said goodbye to all his family and was prepared to go home.
I was sitting here in Miami and waiting for the day the dreaded call would come that tells me he has left us. My bag was packed for the funeral. My sister and I would be going together. That call came June 9, 2008. By the grace of God and the tender loving care of his wonderful daughter-in-law, Lynn, he passed away in peace and without pain.
It seems that no matter how hard you try to prepare yourself for this inevitable occasion, it is virtually impossible to avoid that empty feeling the loss has created in your heart. I love my little brother and will miss him forever. He was the bravest man I have ever known. I wonder if I would ever have the courage to do what he did. God speed my little brother. Save me a spot at the old fishing hole when I join you some day. Cliff was born May 6, 1933 and died June 9, 2008.