by Julie Michael

Created on: June 28, 2008   Last Updated: February 12, 2009

Some things are better left unsaid- simply because they are things that will never be forgotten- even if they are forgiven.

Some words can cut like a knife through a person's heart, and wound them permanently. Words can leave small scars on a person's heart, or, large gaping wounds that continue to fester over time- the kind of wound that never heals. Sounds a bit dramatic, doesn't it?

The old saying "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me." is a myth.

Words can- and do- hurt. Sometimes the hurt will last only a few moments; a few days, a few weeks. Then there are things that stick with a person for a lifetime and continue to hurt and feel like 'fresh' wounds all over again every time he or she thinks about it.

Think back to whenever you were a child, did you over-hear something or was something said to you that just hurt so badly it was as bad as a physical blow? I know I did. It has taken me many years to deal with the hurt and be able to forgive years of verbal abuse. Notice I said "deal" with the hurt- Some things said will never go away or be forgotten, and they still hurt- twenty years later.

The problem with saying just whatever comes to mind or something that just "slips out", is that words can negatively impact a person's emotional well-being, self-esteem and their self-worth. I don't believe it is ever a good idea to speak out of raw anger or frustration, because you can wound someone deeply- even if that wasn't your original intent.

Back to years of verbal abuse; Over the years, I began falling into those same patterns, and battering people with my words. I did this to my husband for the first year and a half of our marriage- until I realized just how badly my words were hurting him. The problem is- I didn't notice until *he* began reciprocating my hurtful words!

Damage has been done to numerous relationships in my life- all because of a cycle of verbal abuse- and although I was *aware* of it, I didn't try to change it right away. It's been an up-hill battle, and sometimes I still say things without thinking- things that wound and hurt.

Now I am left with pain and memories of words that still cut me to the quick- knowing that I've left those wounds on others- is just as hard to deal with as the words that hurt me. Don't say things without thinking- don't say things you know are going to hurt another.

We all get frustrated, aggravated, and we lash out in anger when we are hurt or disappointed. Being aware of your emotions and your responses to what you are feeling is an important step in avoiding saying things that should never have been said at all. If a situation gets too heated- it's best to step back, exit the room and then reapproach the topic once both parties are calm.

If there's something you feel needs to be said to someone, then try to say it in the least hurtful way possible. Possibly preface it with "I truly don't want to hurt you, and please let me know if I do..." Keep lines of communication open, and be gentle and tender in your words.
Once words have been spoken, you can't take them back. Are your words loving and kind, even under stress?

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