by Jordan Miller

Created on: June 28, 2008

Television. What used to be a simple family friendly entertainment has turned into the greatest tool for brainwashing and stupefying. The very trash on the television speaks for itself. There is nothing on television that is completely original, as every single television show (minus the TV movies and "Specials") can be boiled down to bare bone basics and, essentially, reveal that every show is practically the same.

Sitcoms: Okay, so the main character obviously needs a quirk. Every family member related to said character needs their own peculiar behavior. Every friend of the family also needs to be a bit odd. Every episode needs to have an ordinary problem that cannot be resolved by this dysfunctional family in 5 minutes. There has to be something else that complicates the problem so that it takes several days to get it done. We can shorten that down to twenty minutes, no one cares about time that much. Oh, I almost forgot, we absolutely need a catch phrase and a laughtrack. That way, people will think our sitcom is actually funny!

Political Pundit Shows: Look at me! I know more about politics than you do simply because I watch CSPAN! Actually, that's the writer's job..- anyways, I'm in charge of thinking for you, so listen to what I say, dang it! Oh yeah, and we have guests on their show who obviously know more about the subjects than me, but are still lacking my superior intellect and arguing skills. NOW STOP THINKING THAT I'M RUDE!

Game Shows: These shows vary in trivia, skill, luck, physical activities, and spelling abilities. The whole point of every single show is making the viewing audience feel smarter than the contestants. With every major mistake each game player makes, the sound engineer behind the show plays the You-screwed-up-terribly noise. Whether it's an annoying buzzer, a faltering trumpet sound, or a dog whining in the background, it embarrasses the contestant and makes the audience feel better they wouldn't have made a mistake like that.

Reality Game Shows: Here's a brilliant idea, let's shove a dozen people/couples into some random place in the world. And we should have them compete with each other by doing crazy stunts like eating bugs, racing through obstacle courses, and social interactions. Oh, and the two people who bother each other to no end, lets shove them together. It's all about the ratings, right? Meanwhile, while the contestants eat the most disgusting food on earth, the camera crews and the host eat at McBurgers and relax in the

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