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At one time or another if most are honest, the question of whether your own existence matters to anyone else in the world spins around in our head, for some because of addiction for others life never seems to give them a break, but to actually do it, end your own life!
My first experience of such a tragic ending was when I was about 20 I think, I was in a pub when I bumped into one of my teachers, Mr Howard, it was lovely catching up, that was until he informed me that the man who had been my tutor and who actually started at my secondary school the same day as us helping us to bond and get over the challenges of strange surroundings and new beginnings, Mr Goodall had committed suicide, he had been having troubles in life and had chose to hang himself!

My first reaction was to be completely gutted and my heart went out to his children and family how they must be feeling, but then I felt let down, he had taught me to believe in myself, to face things and get on with them, never to quit!
Now I am 12 years older and I have realized so many things for myself and yes I have found myself all alone in that dark place pondering the most awful things but thankfully I have always had somewhere to turn and I will always go out of my way to listen to another in there time of need.
Sadly here I am 33 happily married to a wonderful man and proud parents to 3 beautiful children to whom we had to explain the meaning of suicide to so early in there life.
A short while ago on a miserable rainy day I was getting on with the housework before the kids get home from school, it was late afternoon I had gone downstairs to get a drink because I had started to feel sick all of a sudden, Sam went down to pick the kids up and shortly after he had got back the phone rang, Sam picked it up, it was his mum, she sounded distressed so Sam went to her straight away, I quickly Phoned her back to see if there was anything I could do when she broke the most awful news, Sam's cousin had hung himself!
No! Another life had been lost because they thought there was no other way out, he had had his troubles in life, never coping with the grief of loosing his father suddenly to a brain tumor, which led to him coping with an addiction to drugs, petty crime but always one of the nicest people you could meet. I never really new him sadly because Sam's mum had tried to keep them as distant as possible from one-another due to her own experiences in life bringing up her sons and how quickly the tables turn.
Again the disappointment I feel, of not being there for him, along my journey in life I have been lucky enough to have had somewhere to turn in the darkest times, I have also had the pleasure of helping others, just 2 months ago I helped a neighbour to kick his heroin addiction of 15 years, he felt he didn't have a life but now he does just because he had someone to spell out the facts that sometimes are not apparent to all of us. Day to day life for so many is easy but tragicly for others in times of dispair the end result they some are left alone!

Learn more about this author, Justine Ho.
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