by Wendy Machmer

Created on: June 28, 2008

How Active Listening Enhances Communication Skills

Have you ever had the good fortune of being in a conversation with someone who truly listened to you? This may seem like a ridiculous question, since most of us engage in daily conversations with any number of people. However, there are conversations, and then there are conversations. There are listeners and then there are active listeners.

When I talk about a person who is an active listener, I'm not referring to a person hearing the words you uttered, mind you. Nor am I talking about the person who hears you and promptly gives you advice on how to solve your problem. When I talk about a true listener, I am describing a person who actually looks at you while you speak, nods in acknowledgment of your words, and then, takes the time to clarify or restate what you said. Some good listeners may even ask questions, or tell you it sounds like what you're talking about is really important to you, for instance.

The one universal, basic thing that we humans have to connect us in life is communication. In order to build bridges between people, solve problems, or share important messages, we must communicate. Unfortunately, we often make a mess of things because many of us never really learned how to communicate effectively. We sometimes pay little attention to the person who is talking to us, or we may react negatively to what a person says and respond inappropriately.

The positive news is that good communication skills can be learned. Whether you are the listener or the speaker, when you have been in a conversation where good listening has taken place, you will know it. The results can be an uplifting experience. Being truly heard, understood, encouraged, accepted-these are all products of what can transpire when active listening takes place. The payoff can make an enormous difference in the outcome of a conversation, and I might add, within relationships.

So, the next time you have an opportunity to be an active listener, the following suggestions may enhance your communication skills. The same skills can be applied
with anyone, whether it be your young child, your teenager, your partner, your boss, your coworker or friend:

1) First of all, put aside what you are doing and give your full attention to the person and the subject at hand.

2) Make eye contact with the person with whom you are conversing.

3) Nod, or say "yes," or "ummm-hmmmm," intermittently, so the person knows you're following his/her thoughts.

4) Restate what the person has said from time to time, in your own words, to establish understanding.

5) Clarify or ask questions if you do not understand.

6) Respond with empathy and interest.

7) While you are listening, if you detect a level of importance or feelings in the person's words, it may be helpful to mention what you have observed. An example would be, " It sounds like this is really difficult for you."

8) Summarize what you've heard

It may be awkward at first when trying these skills, but with practice they will soon become second nature. Most importantly, I suggest treating the person the way you would want to be treated if the tables were turned. Active listening is a gift, one that will be appreciated by all who receive it. You can never go wrong by giving a gift to someone you know you'd appreciate yourself!

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