by Theodore Telepak

Created on: June 27, 2008   Last Updated: August 05, 2008

"Choose the Butter Knife" - Defer out of Love

Can you choose to love, and love, when it seems difficult and impossible to love someone who seems so unlovable? How is this possible, especially when it seems as though everything within you compels you not to?

Defer out of love.

I awoke with the startling realization that I was not in my own bed; I was several thousand miles away from home, in the country of Trinidad and Tobago, off the northeast coast of South America. I laid there staring at the ceiling of my guest room, wondering what would become of this wedding day.

I was the best man. What would I say to the bride and groom, to honor them, at the reception? I had known the groom for several years, from our college days at the Franciscan University of Steubenvillebut I had met the bride just once. I had a lot of time to think about what to say; I was adamant not to recite words that initially sounded great, but were forgotten later.

I rushed to get ready for the day, still musing about the night before. It was a bachelor party that wasn't soon to be forgotten. And so much more.

Close friends of the groom had gathered at a cook-out held on the island shore. Good food and old stories were shared. But this was not the main reason these men had come together.

A chair was put in the center of all who were present. The groom was invited to take a seat there. All eyes fell upon him and the murmuring of the guests drew to a close. A childhood friend of the groom welcomed everyone, and then invited those who were married to offer "words of wisdom" to the groom. One by one, each stood up to offer his advice.

A newly married man shared first. He was followed by another who was married only two years. Then, men who were married five, ten, twenty, and more than thirty years stood, and addressed the groom.

When it seemed as though no one else would speak, an older man slowly rose.

The men around me seemed pensive, almost waiting in anticipation to hear what he would say.

I looked inquisitively. A guy similar to my age, standing nearby, leaned near and whispered to tell me that the old man had been married more than 50 years. Surrounding glances spoke of the great respect this elder had garnered from those who knew him, or of him. My heart quelled with hope, but I knew I wasn't the only one who felt this way. Every man there hoped that he would offer something to us, as well as to the groom. .

The elder statesman moved slowly, but in great stature, through the crowd, and towards the

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