It was never meant to be like this. At this stage in our lives we should have been enjoying the good life. Unfortunately, life happen in between.
Now here i am alone, but not alone, lonely, but with lots of company, sad with what ive lost but happy with what ive got.
When my wife started complaining of back pains shortly after the birth of our second daughter, i put it down to her way of wanting more attention. You see, this woman wa never sick, complained a bit as most women do, which was mostly caused by something i did, but even so she was never really that sick. And if she was, she just got on with it. She never let life get in the way. The kids and i were her priorty. And of course the new house we were building.

Now here i am 11 months later, alone but with two beautiful daughters. How do i organise a birthday party for a one year old and entertain a three yera old. How? This was her job!
I now have a beautiful house with the big kitchen she always wanted for "entertaining" all our friends and family.
Now its just a big kitchen that will never entertain.
The girls ask for her constantly even though its been 3 weeks. How can i explain, mammys gone and isnt coming back.
How do i make them understand. Our last day together was so special, because we didnt know it was our last.
For the first time in a long time i gave in to her nagging and decided that ya, it was about time we spent some time together with the girls.
So off to the zoo. Can u elieve it? Dont think i had been to the zoo since i was a child.
We never laughed so much. Just watching the girls faces when looking at the animals was enough to put a smile on anyones face.
And when our youngest fell asleep in the buggy and our oldest mixed so well with the other kids in the playground, it gave us some alone time. We wern't alone but it felt that way.
We were so relaxed, it felt like we were alone and for trhe first time in along time, we felt like people again, not just mammy and daddy.
We cuddled, kissed and talked. I mean really talked. We made plans. We were on;y a week in our new house and we had sop much to look forward to. We were happy and so complete.
Four hours later , she was gone.

She just fell asleep on the way home and never woke up.
Doctors said the tumers in her back were big and very agressive. Tumers? What tumers?
Is that what her back pain was? I thought she just wanted some attention, a little praise foe being the best mother, wife and lover. I teased her about how quick her back pain eased when she hit the shops. She'd just giggle. She was so beautiful when she smiled.
She was the love of my life. I have two beautiful daughters who remind me of her so much every day. Why? why oh why did it have to be her?
We had so much to look forward to.

People always say, you never know what you had untill its gone. I knew.
Now all i want to know is how to be the best parent to my girls and make my wife proud. Cos Darling i know your watching us, I smelt your perfume behind me today. Hope you know how much we love you and will never forget you. You really were the best. Hope you finally believe me. Thanks for the life we had. Love Always babe. x

Learn more about this author, Antoinette Gallagher.
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