by Jane Rutherford

Created on: June 27, 2008   Last Updated: August 25, 2011

Relationship with a cheater can work, even if infidelity isn't something you can forgive easily.

Apart from love, every good relationship is based on trust and communication. When your partner cheats, he or she is breaking your trust. And if it's more than a one night stand and a moment of weakness, we also talking lies and misleading... It is not a happy picture, I know.

If the worst happened and your partner cheated, you need to ask yourself few questions. Is this relationship worth saving? Can I forget the feeling of betrayal? Is my boyfriend or girlfriend worth it? If you can't answer yes, than no matter how much the other person tries and apologizes and begs for forgiveness You will one day snap again and remind your partner of that one mistake. And if you make a habit of that, it might kill your relationship as much as the act of cheating did.

For a relationship with a cheater to work, both of you have to talk about what happened. But I don't mean yelling and accusing each other of the worst things, no blaming anybody for being the reason of this conflict. You need to wait till your emotions cool off a little and talk. Clear communication is what can save your relationship.

And remember to remain calm. Don't let your emotions take over, or what was supposed to be a conversation to clear the air, will turn into another screaming match. Tell your partner why the betrayal hurt and how difficult it will be for you to move on. Tell your partner all that, but be prepared to listen too. It might happen, that your partner cheated while drunk, or under influence. Moment of stupidity. But if there are any other, deeper, reasons behind this mistake, you should be aware of them. You can't fix something you don't know is broken. You need to allow a thought that your partner cheating was a way for them to lash out. Repay for what they might consider a mistake or an affront on your part.

Again. Conversation is what should clear the air and help you get to the bottom of the problem.

One of the things I found to be working, when you decide the relationship with a cheater is worth saving, is actually making your partner work for your forgiveness. It's like with any other "crime". Your partner needs to be aware of the fact that the repercussions are not worth that one moment of pleasure with someone that is not you.

Let's face it. When, as a kid, you took something that wasn't yours and heard simply "you shouldn't do that" from your parents, you paid less attention to that and thought very little about what might happen to you the next time some kid in the sandbox had a new shiny toy. But if your parents spanked you and then took away your TV privileges, next time you'd rather play nicely with other kids.

The metaphor might not be the best, but it shows the analogy perfectly. If you let your partner to get away with the cheating with a simple "I'm sorry" and maybe flowers, your partner won't even know how much it hurt you. So make him or her work for it. Simply be careful not to get on the other side of the spectrum. Remember, that you want to forgive him at some point; you want this relationship to work.

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