1 of 40

Write now Article Tools

If History Repeats Itself, then picture this...

...A Newfangled Trojan Horse - Can you imagine the United States constructing a big hollow wooden eagle filled with storm troopers? We could wheel it up to the Great Wall of Somewhere and knock really hard.

"Who is it?" a foreign voice asks from behind impenetrable layers of brick.

"Candy gram," replies our chief trooper.

Coarse whispering erupts. After several tense seconds the accented voice says, "Ah ha, candy gram. Now that's a horse of a different color. Come on in!"

The thick gate opens, the eagle gets in, the troopers pour out and conquer the country. Within hours, the U.S. begins building its next project: A large wooden maple leaf designed to discombobulate Canada.

...Helen of Troy Equivalent - What about Helen of Troy? Her face was so beautiful that it supposedly launched a thousand ships. Like you, I have many questions about this alleged event:

1. How and where were the ships positioned?

2. How did they know exactly when launch time was?

3. How were they able to see Helen's face to the point where they motivated to set sail?

4. To what destination did they sail? Were they trying to circumnavigate the globe or attempting to circumvent the her beauty?

5. Who built this plethora of ships? Did they all belong to the same country, or did other countries participate?

How many ships do you think Bush's face would launch? Hillary's is worth at least a speed boat and two dinghies. If we were going to look for a face to launch a thousand ships in today's times, we'd probably have to hire a celebrity mug, somebody like Cher or Madonna. Each of them should be good for a couple of drunken sailors.

We could really go to extremes and use the image of yours truly. The only problem with this plan is that it could send the nation into a state of alert as naval forces around the world stand by to begin firing.

One of the positive aspects of launching a thousand ships in today's technologically traumatized society is that all the skippers could see the beautiful woman's face on a screen in front of them. Thus it would be much easier to choreograph. We could even hire Ester Williams-y aquatic dancers and show them on a split screen swimming around in the gulf with the ship-launching babe. That would be enough to gear up any self-starting salt.

I wonder if the same guy who wrote about Helen and her thousand ship affiliation is the same guy who said that a picture saves a thousand words. He should distributed pictures of Helen and saved

• 1
• 2
• next page >>

Add your voice

Know something about Does history repeat itself?
We want to hear your view. Write now!