by Heather Rascon

Created on: June 26, 2008

I've had bipolar disorder for as long as I can remember. I was only diagnosed three years ago but I always knew there was something fundamentally wrong with me. I would go through phases of extreme highs where I all but destroyed my life to extreme lows where I felt guilt over everything I did during my highs. I finally sought help a few years ago and the doctor confirmed what I already knew: that I had bipolar disorder. It was a relief to finally know what was wrong with me and that I could take medications that would help.

I decided to write for this title now because I happen to be going through a hypo-manic episode. So if my thoughts seem random and unordered, well that gives you a little insight to what mania does to a person. I've calmed a little because I took my little green pill and have had a few glasses of wine. A few hours ago I was talking a mile a minute and pacing the floors because I couldn't even stand still. My thoughts were racing through everything I need to do to get ready for my family's vacation in a few days: getting the house clean, getting bills paid, getting someone to take care of the animals. Oh, and I better do laundry and call my mom to let her know when we'll be getting to her house, and call my sister and let her know all the places we want to go while visiting.

Just a few days ago, I was curled up in bed feeling helpless and worthless because I couldn't even cook dinner for my family, couldn't manage a simple budget, needed to figure out how to pay for my very expensive meds that health insurance won't cover. Yesterday, I took my teenage daughter to an outdoor concert and she actually asked me if I was high. She said I was acting spacey. How to explain to a thirteen year old that you're not high, you're just cycling through a manic episode and there's not much you can do about it.? The truth was, all I wanted was to find a mosh pit and pick a fight. I didn't, though.

Recurring episodes of mania, and its counterpart depression, are a fact of life for a person with bipolar disorder. I take my meds faithfully, avoid triggers as much as possible, and keep in contact with my psychiatrist. It seems as I get older I cycle more rapidly than I did before. Even if you take your medications, you will still have episodes. When you feel an episode starting, the best thing to do is contact your psychiatrist and he/she will recommend an additional medicine routine to help counteract the effects of your episode and hopefully you won't do as much damage as you would have before being medicated.

A supportive and understanding family is also key in dealing with bipolar disorder. By family, I also mean close friends who are like family and will recognize the signs of an episode and won't be afraid to speak up. The people around you will help you the most; by recognizing when you are having an episode and making sure you take the steps necessary to keep it from getting worse. Their love and understanding also helps you from doing foolish things that will only hurt the people you love the most.

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