by Jennibean

Created on: June 26, 2008

I have been wronged. Out of protection for myself, I put up a wall between me and my offender. I keep them at arm's length; I can't let them get close enough to hurt me again. I don't trust them; the relationship has been compromised and forever changed. I wear a shield of indignation so thick that even people I consider safe have a hard time getting through to me. The taller and thicker the wall between myself and others, the better I feel. This is my safe place. I don't necessarily like it, but I've allowed myself to languish here in this place for so long that now, I feel stuck here. I wouldn't know how to get out if I wanted to. I also know that if I want out of this place, it means I may have to confront things that are too painful for me, and I just can't do it. This also means potentially forgiving those who have wronged me. I feel that to do so would be betraying myself. I'm telling this person that disregarding my feelings is OK, and I'm opening the door for them to do it again. No... I have to protect myself. If I don't, who will?

Have you ever found yourself in this place? It usually comes after you've suffered an incredible hurt or breach of trust. You find yourself in a state of shock. Life comes to a grinding halt as you try to process hurt of this magnitude. You agonize over details, and the agony robs you of precious life. You let this person's misdeeds draw you into a state of numbness and apathy for a period of time. They have control over you, and you know it. It makes you bitter and angry, because you can't release yourself from that control. It's all their fault that you are in this awful place and can't get out! At some point, the balance of power begins to shift as you suddenly find the offender at your mercy. They want your forgiveness. They want your trust back. You are now the holder of the emotional dagger, and it's drawn up and poised over their heart. You have a choice to make. Do you stab them back, or take aim at the real offender? Do you know what the real offender really is? I confess that at one time, I did not.

The hardest thing we will ever have to do in our lives is offer mercy to the people who cut us the deepest. Prayer is a gift; it's asking for God to work wonders in the lives of others. It's a blessing, and we just don't ask for blessings on the ones who take our hearts for granted. Why would we want God to do anything nice for them? They hurt us! They need to be punished for what they did! We feel justified in taking

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